Why People Hate Personal Development

You’ve read all the personal development books. You’ve heard the podcasts. You do the 21 success principles before noon every day of your life.

You swallow the miracle morning every morning you can but you’re still not where you want to be in life. Does the feeling sound familiar?

If you’re a personal development junkie like myself, you’ve been immersed in personal development over the years.

Yet, I’m not exactly where I want to be in life. I began to hate personal development because the gurus were saying that if I did all the things that they recommended, I would have this fabulous life of success, which they promised.

As I walked on that journey of personal development, I realized that what they were promising may not be what I wanted after all. Would a life of unlimited success and achievement make me happy?

What if the path of personal development wasn’t going to get me to the place I wanted to go to? What if I would get to the promised land and realize that wasn’t what I wanted or what made happy?

If you think there’s something wrong with personal development and you’re beginning to hate it, you’re not alone.

The problem with personal development

The problem with personal development is that there is one formula for most people. The gurus and the endless personal development books describe what success for you will look like and encourage you to go after that model of success.

Here are 5 of the common reasons you might hate personal development:

Too much focus on the end result. The gurus want you to focus everything on the end results. You can’t enjoy the journey or even stop on the journey. You have to do everything in your waking hour to move you closer to the life you want. Your focus is solely focused on the destination, getting to the place you set out to achieve.
Too much focus on big results. You can’t go small when it comes to personal development. The gurus are always pushing you to do more, be more, get more. It’s never every day wins but your biggest goals and your wildest dreams. They want you to anchor your life to the biggest results you can achieve.
Too much focus on external results. It’s always about the numbers, followers, income goals, houses, and personal benefits of achieving your dreams. It has very little to do with what matters to you and what you value. It has very little to do with how you want to feel and live every day.
Too much focus on uniform results. The gurus think that everyone wants the same thing. They believe that everyone wants loads of money, houses, and businesses. They don’t focus much on living a happy and content life. They can’t imagine how others may want something other than what they want. They can’t imagine that different people may want different things in life.
Too much focus on the future. Again, personal development is concerned about achieving your goals tomorrow. You’re visualizing tomorrow, achieving tomorrow, living for tomorrow that you forget about the here and now.

If you have to go big or go home

If you’re tired of this kind of personal development that pushes you to be your greatest and your best self, you’re not alone. Not all people are thrilled about the outer rewards. Not everyone is motivated by the end results or “going big.”

If you have to go big or go home, it’s perfectly ok to go home.

Going home means giving up on this life of success and achievement, which personal development pushes you towards.

You don’t have to have gigantic dreams and unattainable goals. You don’t have to push yourself to the limits to achieve.

All this does is make you feel frustrated and make you want to give up. The gurus are continuously telling you to take massive action today and crush your future, but what if you’re not a future-crushing kind of person?

What if you don’t aspire to be the kind of person that modern day motivation wants you to be? What if you don’t want to maximize your potential and live your ultimate life? What if you don’t want to enroll in the school of greatness?

This is a reminder that you don’t have to live the life that’s being presented to you. You don’t have to go after the great life that’s prescribed by gurus and experts of motivation. You don’t have to choose what they want for you.

As much as you have been programmed by the personal development community, you don’t have to live a life of outrageous success and personal achievement.

A better way to personal development

As much as you consume all the personal development books out there, remind yourself that there is a different way to do personal development.

You don’t have to go big to be happy. You don’t have to be super productive to be efficient. You don’t have to be a goal-crusher to get to the life you want.

The life you want is already here and in front of you. Instead of focusing on all the external measures and the end results, spend some time on contemplation and reflection.

Honor the place you’re at and give respect to the journey. Appreciate the path as much as you get to the end result.

In addition to common personal development practices, remind yourself to:

Get clear on what’s important in your life
Spend time on enjoying the present moment and being happy
Trusting yourself that you know what’s best for you
Improving your emotional state and spiritual being

Daily affirmation

Just because the gurus say it and because it’s in every personal development book out there, doesn’t mean it’s right for me.

I will honor myself, my journey, and my progress. I will take it one day at a time. I will move forward at my pace. I will work through the hard stuff.

I am healing and growing within myself to becoming the person that I know I am capable of. I will read the books and hear the talks but will trust my intuition and guidance to walk my own path.

Are you tired of big personal development and success? Is there another way to up your personal growth? Let m know in the comments below.

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Previously published on medium

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