10 Signs They’ve Lost That Loving Feeling

Suddenly they’re not affectionate.

If your partner was always the affectionate type and suddenly stops, that’s a huge red flag.

They stop giving you hugs and kisses when they come in the door. Suddenly they’re not in the mood — all the time. A person who enjoys physical contact doesn’t just stop. If they’re not getting it from you, they have to be getting it somewhere.

They may have stopped giving affection because they’re depressed and have no energy. If you rule depression or illness out, and they are still behaving this way, then you should take this sign seriously, that there could be a problem.

If they were never the affectionate type, to begin with, then you probably have nothing to worry about.

They always have to work late.

If the person you are living with stops coming home every night for dinner, this is a huge sign. If they always were the type that wouldn’t miss dinner, then this is especially a warning sign.

Working late is an easy excuse to avoid your partner. Even if they physically in the office working late constantly, why is this suddenly a problem?

If they’ve recently been promoted and now have greater responsibility at work then that could be the logical reason. If they now have to supervise people and have greater pressure, or are told to work more hours, then there is probably nothing to fear. If they’ve taken a second job to help with the finances, then again, this is probably not a problem at all.

It is a problem, however, if nothing’s changed at work, and they’ve suddenly stopped coming home to be with you. If they suddenly start taking frequent business trips (and never ask you to come along) when they never did before, it doesn’t look good for you.

They’ve started picking on you constantly.

You used to hear compliments and loving comments from your partner, now you can’t do anything right.

They make snide comments that you are getting fat, you need to work out, and compare you unfavorably to others.

They are furious about the way you handle money and insist you’re incompatible.

They berate you in front of your children, showing you disrespect.

They don’t like the way you do your tasks in the home, the food you cooked, or the way you laugh. Suddenly even the sound of your voice gets on their nerves.

You once felt like they were your biggest fan. Now they feel like a frienemy.

They get secretive.

You’re spending the night at home and their cell phone pings constantly. They’re scowling at you all evening, but smiling when they send their text messages. They will hide their phone from you, so you can’t accidentally see what they’re texting.

When they get a phone call, they’ll jump off and run into another room with the phone, so you can’t hear the conversation. They will spend hours on the phone with someone else, and be vague when you ask who it was.

If they used to be very open with you, this is especially a red flag. They may be cheating. Infidelity is one of the leading causes of partners breaking up or couples getting a divorce.

They avoid you — even when they’re home.

You have a partner, but no one would know it. They avoid being in the same room with you as much as possible. They spend all day in the garage, or outside doing chores, or upstairs if you’re downstairs.

They will frequently leave the house to spend hours at the gym, or go over to friend’s houses, or any place they can go to get away from you.

Now if they are legitimately the kind of person who needs space to recharge, they’ll explain that to you. And they will try to be there for you more often if they know it bothers you.

But if they have no consideration for your needs at all, and tell you to buzz off, this a problem.

They stop treating you like you’re special.

There are no more sweet surprises for you. They no longer take you out for dinner on a Saturday night. They forget your birthday, anniversary, or any special occasion, and the only time they’ll bring you flowers is after a fight. And some of them won’t even do that. You no longer take vacations, and your partner will often take trips without you.

If you’ve been together for years, and your spouse is just lazy or has never been romantic, then this is probably nothing to worry about. And if you have a house full of children and you are both too exhausted, don’t have money, or can’t afford a babysitter, then this also is not a problem.

But if the other factors aren’t there, and your partner always loved to take you out to dinner and for romantic getaways, and then suddenly stops — that’s a red flag.

You can’t remember the last time you both laughed.

Your once happy home has become an unpleasant place to be. You are suddenly awkward around each other, and negative. You don’t enjoy each other’s company anymore, and it’s obvious. There are no secret jokes between you, and you can’t remember the last time either you laughed. There’s no joy anymore.

They’re threatening to leave you if you don’t do what they want.

If your partner is threatening to leave you every time you have a disagreement or don’t do exactly ask they ask, that means they’re definitely thinking about it. Either they’re trying to regain control of the relationship, are insecure, or have one foot out the door.

If they are constantly threatening divorce, they may already have started looking into it.

They refuse to get counseling when asked.

You’ve realized there is tension between you and your partner and want to address the issues and improve communication between the two of you. When you suggest it, they balk. They refuse to go and say nothing can be fixed, and they refuse to change.

When a person has made up their mind they want out, they will often reject counseling to fix the relationship. All they want is to get out of it. Some private people don’t want to discuss personal matters with a professional. In that case, they should still be willing to sit down with you and calmly discuss your issues. If they don’t want to do anything, that’s a red flag.

They tell you they’re not “in love” anymore.

If the person you love is telling you, they love you, but they’re not in love with you, that’s not a good sign. If they are the type that doesn’t care about romance, they still might be a good partner to you in other ways, but it still hurts, and it’s not fair to the partner that is in love.

If they once were in love with you, and fell out of love — and they admit it, you have reason to be concerned. They may have already fallen in love with someone else. And if they say they never loved you at all, they may be preparing their exit. You both need to have a serious conversation.

Takeaway

If someone is showing all of these signs, then don’t be surprised if this relationship doesn’t last. Yet if they choose to get counseling with you, there may still be hope for the two of you.

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This post was previously published on Medium.com.

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