Rowling in the Deep

The first article I saw on J. K. Rowling’s now infamous essay dealt with tattoos. Then I saw some memes. Then I hit Google to figure out what in the Hufflefudge was happening. I read her essay three times and still feel lost and confused as to what its main point was about, and how or why this very intelligent woman felt this would be anything other than damaging.

But what I did manage to glean was this: the essay is bleeding with frustration and resentment. She lays out a blueprint as to how she started out wanting to become a better informed ally of the trans and LGBTQ community and ended up a Trans Exclusionary Feminist. This is a loss to her trans fans and allies. But it’s a loss that could have been prevented.

This is a disorienting time for old school feminists like Rowling. On the one hand, some of the highest in the land are still trying to roll back abortion, and are out to limit women’s healthcare every chance they get. Women still can’t get equal pay, still are victims of sexual violence and harassment, and are still read as “shrill” and “unlikeable” when they assume political power. Lots of the old-wave feminist goals are still in play and unresolved.

On the other hand, the new wave says that the term “women” is not only outdated, but prejudiced, and that what needs to happen is a complete tear-down of the language we use to address those issues. And there’s absolutely a battle between those two groups that stalls both agendas. It’s frustrating for the older crowd to say “women need access to breast-cancer screenings” and someone to come back with “why do you assume all women have breasts?” (That’s a straight up quote from a younger sibling’s college class).

Some of the old school feminists are unwilling to accommodate what they see as trans-only issues — which is wrong — while the new wave doesn’t respect the work that’s been done by the old one to get the conversation to a new level. But there doesn’t seem to be a place for disagreements and discussion to happen civilly anymore.

All the “safe-spaces” are only safe if you tow the line. Colleges, which used to be spaces to debate, are now also language-policed. Doxing, screen-shotting, and contacting people’s employment are commonplace.

And then there is the completely legit fear some bio-women have about sharing “private” spaces with bio or trans men. When I was in a college sex and gender class, a queer girl declared that allowing men, biological or trans, into the women’s bathroom was tantamount to allowing rape. It was a ludicrous argument in my mind, because a rapist clearly doesn’t respect the rule of law, and isn’t going to stop because a sign on a door tells him to.

But it gave me pause because I knew this girl was a hardcore liberal and ally in every sense except for this one. And it wasn’t some random hatred of trans people: it was genuine fear.

It’s deeply ingrained in women from an early age to never undress with a male around (often unless you’re married) and to a lot of women, especially older ones like JKR, suddenly it seems like they’re being told that certain men are allowed in their spaces and if they’re uncomfortable, they’re prejudiced.

Rowling’s obviously spent a lot of time reading and thinking about this, and most likely ended up on the wrong side because the people who wanted her so badly on theirs sent her a barrage of hatred and anger. It’s human to turn away from that. She found acceptance with the “exclusionary” feminists because they’re also getting daily internet beat-downs.

Imagine if her feed had been flooded with people saying “I know that you, as a woman and domestic abuse victim, just want to feel safe in places designated for you. As a trans-person, that’s all I want too.” Or “the struggles of women and girls aren’t being forgotten — they’re being expanded, and you’re a part of that!”

That’s inclusivity. That’s acknowledging the fears and concerns of the old by allying them with the new. That’s allowing safe spaces to be places safe to miss-think and misspeak, to ask questions, and to acknowledge that every marginalized group is dealing with some level of trauma, and as anyone whose been in a support group knows, even when we disagree, there’s a right to be heard.

To win hearts and minds, that fear needs to be addressed and dealt with head on. Both groups — the old school and the new — understand the fear and threat of being hurt, emotionally or physically, by cis-men. Both groups need each other’s understanding and numbers to get women of all types equal protection under the law and equal safety in their day to day lives.

We have a great deal in common. We should be able to talk about fear without hating one another for it. We should be able to face our fears head on and challenge ourselves to be more open and expansive. We should trust we are strong enough to hear a differing opinion and find a way to ally it with our mission.

We need to convince the Rowling to look forward, and her detractors to look back. We will find ourselves, and our mission, there.

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This post was previously published on Equality Includes You.

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