5 Warning Signs You Might Experience FOMO in Your Relationship

I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend since I was 22, and though there were other relationships prior to that, this current one that I’m in is obviously the longest and most exclusive.

As we are getting older, both my partner and I have changed a lot. And with these long-distance arrangements, sometimes it’s hard not to grow apart. Our career goals have changed, and so are our schedules that got busier and busier each day.

I’ve just recently moved back to Bali and will stay here until my office in Jakarta is open — and for some odd reasons, that got me thinking differently about my relationship.

An old friend I hung out with asked me if I’ve ever had a “FOMO” or the Fear of Missing Out feeling because she knows how long my boyfriend and I have been together. I thought about the question deeply because I noticed I was hesitant in saying “no” right away.

After reading many articles about having “FOMO” in a relationship, I realized I’d experienced one or two of these signs. I’ve also talked to some couples, and they said it’s normal. However, I’ve also known many people decided to check out from the relationship because of this.

1. You Still Think You Have Many Options

I’ve known a guy who decided to break up with his girlfriend because the FOMO feeling took over. He thought he still has many options and was not entirely sure of 100% with the relationship.

Over time, I learned that by being in a long-term relationship, you’ll have this FOMO feeling at least once — and that’s okay. That doesn’t mean we have to pack our bags and break up the next day. We know feelings change all the time, so you don’t have to be so hard on yourself by denying it.

I knew I felt guilty when I had it, I felt like I was supposed to be this fully committed, but when things got hard and complicated, I couldn’t help but felt doubtful about our relationship.

However, acknowledging it will help you get clear on what’s happening. Maybe you haven’t communicated much with your partner about your needs, so that’s why you thought, what if someone else could be a better match for you.

2. You Are Scared To Have Concrete Future Plans With Your Partner

You think you are ready, but when it comes down to planning the details, you feel scared. Questions like; what if you choose the wrong person? What if I feel stuck down the road with this person?

On the other hand, you also think it’s unfair for your partner to plan so many things ahead because you don’t want to hurt them if things don’t work out.

This doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t love your partner, the feeling is there because of the FOMO feeling you are experiencing.

3. You Set Too High of Expectations in Your Relationship

I noticed I had a FOMO feeling for the first time when I suddenly set this very high expectation in our relationship to which, of course, my partner couldn’t exceed.

From small things like regular good morning or good night texts to something bigger like our future plans, etc., I’ve been surrounded by more single people than ones that are in a stable relationship, and it somehow triggered the FOMO feeling. I thought, “if I’m in a relationship, might as well get the best out of it.”

So, therefore, my mind unconsciously created these new expectations. Later once I caught the feeling, I realized how it doesn’t make sense, and I was so close to sabotage my own relationship.

4. You Couldn’t Let Go of Your Past Relationships

If you find yourself still think about your past lovers, then it might be a sign that you are experiencing the fear of missing out feeling in your dating life.

Not only you can’t move on, but you are still holding to this concept that in case things don’t work out in your current relationship, you could always go back to them.

It’s like you are creating this backup plan in your head, and it gives you a sense of freedom because you know you’ll be fine if things in your relationship go south.

Obviously, this is a hard truth for your partner if they find out, but at the same time, sweeping it under the rug won’t help either.

5. You Compare Your Relationship With Your Peer’s

It started with your sudden interest in other people’s relationships. And mostly, it’s on social media such as Instagram. You see them having the best “couple” goals, and you can’t help but compare why your relationship isn’t as “fun” as theirs.

When we look at this situation bluntly, this comparison behavior seems so silly, and we knew deep down that each relationship works differently. We also know that we can’t trust whatever pictures we see on social media because most of them are fake.

However, as I mentioned before, this feeling will still come up when you are going through a hard time in your relationship right now. For me, it didn’t have anything to do with social media, but I compared it to friends here in Bali.

The long-distance relationship took a toll on me, I couldn’t help but thought that life would be so much easier when we closed the distance and just live together — just like what my peers are currently having with their partner.

…

I’m a huge believer that you should never ignore your feeling — no matter how uncomfortable it is. The same goes with this FOMO feeling.

I had to admit that it was a scary phase for me, and the longer I denied it, the more uncomfortable and suffered emotionally I was. The best thing you could do during this time is to spend time with yourself as much as possible and figure it all out before you take a massive decision.

Some people told me to call it quits because what’s the point of being unhappy in a relationship, right? But again, it doesn’t work that way in a relationship. Some things are missing, but it doesn’t mean it’s beyond repair.

As Rainer Maria Rilke ever said,

“Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky.”

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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