5 Early Signs You Are in a Codependent Relationship

Dating is hard. People fell in love so quickly but call it quits the moment they think they aren’t “compatible” — while in reality, they don’t want to put in the effort.

So how do you know if the relationship is working?

While there’s no correct answer to this because the relationship isn’t black and white, you can always analyze it by seeing if things don’t feel right at the beginning.

From finding out your partner is a narcissistic, liar, or cheater, those things are examples that can be the reason why the relationship isn’t working. But there are also subtle signs that you couldn’t see earlier. Those traits make you lose yourself in the way.

One of them is the codependency trait. Being in a codependent relationship is just as toxic as being with someone who cheats a lot. The impact that they give can last long, and it takes so much work to recover fully from the trauma.

If you aren’t sure what are those early signs of being in a codependent relationship, here are some references that might apply to you:

You set aside your hobbies to match your partner’s lifestyle.

I used to be that girl who would listen to music I didn’t like, eat food that wasn’t my favorite, go to places I felt uncomfortable with, all because of following my ex’s way of living. And it’s honestly mentally exhausting.

Being someone else to please your partner is a big NO. The truth is, if it’s the right relationship for you, you wouldn’t have to neglect all of your hobbies so you can be on the same page with your partner’s lifestyle.

You have a hard time leaving them.

Sometimes people with a codependency trait will do anything to make their partner stay. They can also do emotional blackmailing if needed. They’ll make you feel like you can’t live without them. Saying “no” is the hardest part for you because you don’t want to hurt them.

Sure, you make them happy by saying “yes” all the time, but without you realize it, you are hurting yourself.

I remember vividly the guilt of leaving my ex because he somehow made me feel like his happiness was my responsibility. But it wasn’t. No one can make us 100% content and happy in life.

Your life is always about them.

At some point, I forgot my own goals because my life revolved around him. Nothing I did was something that lights me up. All life plans were based on what he liked and didn’t like.

This sign can get very unclear sometimes, and if you let it slip, you’ll begin to normalize it, and before you know it, you forget who you are. I’ve seen this happens to most girls who have low self-esteem. That’s why it’s always recommended to work on yourself first before you jump into a relationship.

You always feel emotionally and mentally drained.

When you are with someone who’s highly dependent on you, it’s so easy for you to feel drained and exhausted all the time. You are wondering why this happens because, well, you love them. So it doesn’t make sense to feel this “tired” from the relationship.

But that’s what exactly happens when you aren’t yourself in the relationship. You pretend to be this “interesting” version that you think your partner would love. However, if this keeps happening, you will get a mental breakdown now and then.

You never get to decide something in your relationship.

If you can’t even voice your opinion in your relationship, then it’s not a good sign. From small things such as deciding which place to go for a short trip to big ones like searching for a new home, it has to be a teamwork discussion.

However, this will not happen if you are in a codependency relationship because you have to match your partner’s likings. Even if you get to decide something on your own, you still have to make sure they are okay with it. And of course, in this case, you wouldn’t mind changing it if they disagree.

For a reminder, disagreements in a relationship are expected, and it’s impossible to agree all the time. But a healthy couple will still respect each other’s opinion or decision and not force the other party to match their wants.

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Final Thought

Being in a codependent relationship is that you don’t know when exactly you should call it quits. Sometimes you even find yourself constantly going back to them again and again.

I asked myself if letting him go was the right decision almost every single day until I got to the point where I couldn’t stand the feeling of being lost. I realized that I didn’t have to make myself suffer so he could feel happy all the time. That’s not what love is.

If you notice one of those signs in your relationship, my recommendation is always to ask yourself if there’s something you still can do to fix it. Come to your partner and communicate your feelings. But if you think you’ve done everything you could but the issue persists, then it’s better to let it go.

Just know that you aren’t at a loss just because you break up with them. You win because you got yourself back.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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