Most of us have been conditioned to look for surface things or traits in partners like their job, their family’ status,’ how much money they make, how exciting life looks on Instagram, or what they tell us they envision for their future.
The truth is: none of these things tell us how secure they are with themselves. Or how well they know themselves.
The relationship we have with ourselves impacts the relationships we will have with others.
Many things that damage relationships (lying, cheating, false bravo, being avoidant, or shutting down emotionally) come from a person’s internal insecurity.
The traits we are attracted to most come from self-awareness, vulnerability, and the ability to be in touch with their own emotions (when you have a partner that can’t connect with you emotionally, they experience this same lack of connection with themselves.
There are eight qualities:
Self Awareness
Conscious awareness of the drive and motives behind their behavior that comes from doing the inner work. If they are not self-aware, they also don’t know you.
Humility
The direct result of facing “ugly” shadow parts of themselves: their shame, unresolved trauma, and deep sadness we all go through. Humility creates less judgment and more curiosity. They do listen to you without any judgment.
Self Embodiment
Security with and connection to who they are allows them to feel comfortable expressing themselves regardless of how other people feel or think about it.
Self Compassion
A kindness towards their humanness and the ability to forgive themselves allows them to be more compassionate to those around them naturally.
Vulnerability
An ability to communicate one emotions and hold space for someone else’s even if there is disagreement or conflict.
Ability to work through conflict
Able to repair after conflict rather than being defensive, emotionally reactive, avoidant, or shut down.
Radical Honesty
The ability to speak the truth about what they think or feel rather than people-pleasing or hiding feelings leads to resentment.
Kindness/respect for others
Simply, A general sense of connectedness to others that allows for treating People well.
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If your partner has these qualities, you both have an opportunity to grow equally. You both respect each other. You both respect freedom. Because there is no fear, no uncertainties, and lies, you both are open to each other.
You can communicate if there is a conflict. You don’t need a breakup, but you both always consider a patch-up.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
 White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism |
 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
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Photo credit: Shutterstock.com
