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Most betrothed couples embark on their marriage full of hope, and with confidence that their union will be built on love and mutual respect; creating a partnership that will last a lifetime. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case and, while both parties may start out with good intentions, not all marriages are created equal – and the same goes for divorce.
Divorce is a messy, painful business at the best of times and it seems that even in 2021, this is yet another area in which the consequences differ depending on your gender. In this article, we’ll take a look at the gender differences behind the consequences of divorce, and what this means for those involved in divorce and family law situations. Read on for more…
How Does Each Gender Fair During a Divorce?
Studies show that around 42 percent of marriages in the UK will end in divorce, with the average length of a marriage for same-sex couples being just twelve and a half years. Unfortunately, divorce brings with it so much more than a change of name and switching to single-serving microwave meals.
Modern divorce is a many-faceted process and, while the marriage may not have been a match made in heaven, similarly, the consequences of divorce can be far from equal. Here are some of the main gender discrepancies which rear their ugly heads in the wake of a divorce:
Money Matters
You would be forgiven for thinking that, in 2021, male and female salaries would finally be aligned but, this isn’t always the case. Despite access to education and employment, and little things like the 1970 Equal Pay Act, husbands still, on the whole, tend to earn more than their wives. While this may not pose a significant problem within the marriage, it certainly comes into play after a divorce.
In the UK, spousal support following a divorce is a complex area and, unless there is a prenuptial agreement in place, the husband will not necessarily be ordered by a judge to pay alimony to his ex-wife. For women, a divorce can, therefore, result in a significant change in lifestyle – and rarely a change for the better as the divorced wife will need to rethink her finances in order to cover her living expenses.
Child Custody
Even in our enlightened times, custody of children following a divorce will usually be granted to the mother who is generally considered to be the primary caregiver, although this is not, of course, always the case. Although most mothers welcome – and, in fact, fight for – custody through divorce and family law courts, this does usually mean that the mother has to limit her working hours.
First off, this impacts fathers who may not be allowed to see their children as much as they might like. However, it also impacts on the mother’s free time and social life as, in general, fathers will take custody of children for a weekend every couple of weeks.
Troubles at Work
We’ve already mentioned that women tend to be paid less than their husbands – and it doesn’t stop there. Divorced women who are also the primary caregiver will often work part-time in order to meet their childcare responsibilities.
As well as equating to a lower income, it’s thought that women who work either part-time or flexible hours are 20 percent less likely to be chosen for a promotion than others. The only other option here is to pay for childcare – the cost of which is often prohibitive.
This issue was highlighted this month by MP, Stella Creasey, who revealed that she has been told to stop bringing her baby to work. This results in the fact that she, like many UK mothers, may have some difficult decisions to make as it seems that women can’t, in fact, have it all.
Practically Speaking
Raising a child involves keeping a number of balls in the air on a daily basis. School schedules, extracurricular activities, doctor’s appointments and visits to grandparents all take significant time and organization. With the best will in the world, it’s not always practical to share these responsibilities between the two parents.
As the mother tends to gain custody, the lion’s share of these responsibilities will automatically become hers. Although many mothers will be thrilled to maintain this care, there’s no denying it will further diminish her freedom, free time, and financial resources.
Of course, on the plus side for the mother, she will enjoy more time with the children and be able to share in all the important milestones – many of which the father will miss out on. While the benefits of this can’t be overlooked, we can’t ignore the various difficulties it poses too.
Polite Society
As much as we hate to admit it, society often views divorced women in a different light to divorced men. Phrases like ‘damaged goods’ and ‘comes with baggage’ should have no place in our modern world, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t exist.
Add on to this the fact that the term ‘single mother’ is often used in a disparaging way, fairness rarely seems to be on the side of the woman when it comes to divorce.
Are Men or Women Worse Off During Divorce?
We can’t deny that many men often take the brunt of the divorce in terms of many not receiving child custody, and having to financially support mothers. That said, this is often a small cost to pay in comparison to the social, financial and career impacts divorce can have for women.
Despite the fact that we like to think that our world is one that is modern, forward-thinking and, above all, inclusive, it seems that we may still have a fair way to go. From pay to work to free time, it’s clear that women – particularly those with children – still get a raw deal when it comes to divorce.
What do you think? In your experience, did you or your spouse come off worse? Be sure to leave your thoughts in the comments down below.
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