For 30 years, I lived in curated middle-class suburbs. Couples lived comfortably, took their children to sports events on the weekends, attended school events, and were seemingly in love. The love of married parents. So busy raising their children, contemplating their own happiness rarely happened. Until the empty nest approached. When it did, the tedium and coming emptiness of their lives became clear, as did their lack of true connection with their partner. Divorce was the only future many could see.
After my empty nest divorce, I sold the family home, traveled a little, and then moved to the downtown of a major city. Every aspect of life in the city is different. There are no homeless people in the suburbs, in the city they are common. In the suburbs, people believe they are marrying for life. In the city, relationships last until something more interesting flashes across the Tinder screen. In monogamous suburban love, STDs are not a concern. In fly-by-night city hookups, condoms are not an option.
In every way, suburban life is a more curated, sterile existence than city life. Aesthetically, romantically, and recreationally, everything is different.
The contrast is jolting. In the city, it is impossible not to consider the despair and abyss of some human life. The evidence is laying everywhere. In the city, it is impossible not to consider the self-interested pursuit that dominates romance. The sequential meetup, dating app zombies, that have given up on love, are everywhere.
The move to the city burst my suburban bubble in every possible way. Socioeconomic, the human condition, the conception of love, race, community, and more.
Is one experience more “real” than the other or is each an extreme deviation from “normal”? Who knows? All I know is that each “reality” was “man” made.
There is a part of me that imagines I may become a better person, faced every day with the fragility of human existence on display in the city. There is a part of me that is used to, and longs for, the banality of suburban life.
I don’t know where I will land in the long run, but as of now, the move to the city has changed every aspect of life. I can no longer perceive life as I once did, from within my suburban bubble.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Source: Ev on Unsplash
