Long-Distance Couples Are Miserable — So Think Twice Before You Do It

If you’ve been thinking of doing a long-distance relationship with somebody you just met on the internet — don’t do it.

Here’s why.

Long-distance relationship couples are miserable. Well, not miserable in a way where they’re stuck with the wrong person or something, but the distance is what makes it unbearable.

I’ve been doing this for 6 years now, and I’m not proud. I still think I’m with the right person, but I wish I considered more in the beginning rather than letting my feelings decide this thing for me.

And how I wish someone would’ve given me these perspectives earlier:

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Knowing fully what you sign up for at the beginning

Most online relationships story start like this:

You met someone online, you felt a strong connection, and you decided to see where things go. You were then talking every day until one day, one of you brought up the “what are we?” conversation.

Of course, at this point, you want to be together with them for the long run. However, the road seems bumpy and uncertain. But again, the idea of letting go of this special person feels more painful.

So here you are stuck — trying to make sense of everything.

This is the time when you need to be more logical than ever. How far is the distance? What’s your current situation? How long does it take for you to meet and probably close the gap?

Think about it all and write down your brutal honest answers if you can. Without having the big picture, it’s going to be very painful. Trust me, I’ve been there, and I forever wish I knew this sooner.

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If you’re with the wrong person, it can cost you your mental health even more

Remember that scene from the ‘Tinder Swindler’ where the girl thought Simon was faithful during their long-distance relationship and she’s been in it for more than a year? He cheated on her with multiple girls and ran away with her money.

Look, I know that sounds extreme, but it’s a much-needed reminder if you want to start a long-distance relationship you met online. If you’ve dated them in person before, then it’s a completely different story.

There’s nothing wrong with holding your horses back and seeing what will happen when the “relationship” hits 6 months. By that time, usually, people will show you their true colors, and those butterfly feelings have faded away.

Making sure that the person you’d like to have a long-distance relationship with is right for you is crucial. In such a relationship, you should be willing to sacrifice a lot, including your needs (sexually & emotionally).

You need to be with someone who wants the long-distance relationship to work just as much as you do.

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What’s your goal with this person, after all?

There’s this chatting app back then where you could talk with someone without seeing their face, not even their profile photo. The app didn’t have a video feature, so it’s purely just for chatting with random people all over the world.

That’s where I met my boyfriend. You might think I’m such a crazy desperate person for falling in love with someone in a place like that, I thought I was too — I still think I am sometimes.

It took a year or so for both of us to “make up” our minds and decide that we wanted to be together in person. We want to close the gap and finally live in the same place just like other normal couples.

But before that? There’s always a constant emotional roller-coaster, the back and forth heat discussion about “where is this going?”. We’re stressed, frustrated, and just overall miserable.

That’s why I never wanted people to do long-distance relationships without knowing what it takes to make it work. “We’ll just do it and see” isn’t practical advice. You need a strong foundation and a long-lasting reason why you started it in the first place.

So when things get hard (you can’t visit each other, for example), you know how to handle the uncertainly.

“Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It’s for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It’s for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don’t see it nearly enough.” — Meghan Daum

I’m obviously not alone. I’ve had a couple of friends who are in a long-distance relationship, too, and I can confirm that they’re miserable because of the distance. It’s the worst feeling to have. It’s like your life is spent waiting for the “time” to come, and you both finally make it.

The more you stay in it, the harder it is for you to let go and move on.

But being together for a longer period doesn’t guarantee things get easier. At some point, talking and texting every day gets old. You need that person to be there for you physically, and the “I love you” texts no longer give you butterflies.

So please, before you make the jump, highly consider the downsides. There’s no such right or wrong answer here. You just need to choose your battle.

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I write about all things that you might struggle with within your love life. My main goal is to make you feel less alone on your journey. If you resonate with my stories, stay in tune by becoming a Medium member here.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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