Earlier this year, one of my aunts passed away. Her passing put me in a state of mind that I believe we all experience at different points in our lives: the emotional sensation of isolation, of utter loneliness.
There are instances when we feel alone despite putting ourselves in the middle of a crowd. We have to navigate this hair-raising journey called life by ourselves, regardless of whether we are in a marital relationship or have kids to raise or friends whom we have known for many years. I do not know about you, but that sounds like a very lonesome prospect.
How do we tackle these feelings of loneliness and anguish? Although it is not uncommon, these feelings can be harmful to us if we let them travel too far — they can negatively affect how you feel, the way you think and how you act.
The solution is right under our noses the whole time: connecting with people.
When we socialise with people around us, we are no longer by ourselves. We share our pain, our thoughts, and our experiences. The hardship we endure is no longer insurmountable when we have a companion to confront it with us.
However, jumping from being alone to making a connection can be a hurdle. People prone to anxiety attacks will find it more difficult to start a conversation with other people in social situations. I understand that is a daunting challenge to conquer, but overcoming it is not impossible.
While I am not a professional psychologist or an expert in human connections, I have learned ways to avoid depression after succumbing to it years ago, discovered ways to develop human connections as a son, brother, colleague, and friend.
Here are several tips for reestablishing contact with humanity when feelings of loneliness are gripping you:
1. Do Self-Groom
This may sound crystal clear, but it is astonishing how big of a difference this can make.
First of all, presenting a better version of yourself not just demonstrates your ability to take utmost care of yourself; it also makes a good impression on others you do not know well. Thus, they will respond to you more positively.
However, second and perhaps more crucially, caring for your own body and appearance at all times enhances your personality and boost self-confidence, and that makes all the difference in the world.
2. Look for Mutual Interests
If your loved ones are out of reach and you believe that the time to connect with people and develop new friendships is now, it is wise to begin by attempting to discover a basis of mutual interest or agreement.
- What mutual interest do you possess?
- Have you resided in the same area, studied at the same university?
- Do you have similar hobbies or passions?
Once you discover that common ground, you can make the move to connect yourself with other people.
3. Open Up
As soon as you have established common ground, and find yourself at ease with a person, summon the courage to open up a bit.
Obviously, you do not reveal all of your secrets and darkest thoughts the first time you meet someone — the process of opening up to another person has to be done gradually.
However, if you never open up in the first place, you keep yourself away from opportunities to make authentic, meaningful connections with others. It will just be something on the surface at the very most. It is when people share something genuine and personal that these social ties are formed.
4. Learn to Become a Good Listener
An extremely vital point, but it amazes me to observe how many people neglect this core skill.
I have interacted with so many people who I can tell are well-intentioned but who I tire of talking to merely because they seem to let my words pass through their conscious minds. I listen to them actively, but they do not reciprocate. Consequently, I find myself in one-sided conversations most of the time.
I am confident everyone dislikes that sort of conversation (except the person who is flexing their jaw muscles). If you wish to form a meaningful social bond with another individual, you must start by listening.
Learn to ask questions to get the other person talking more about their character and life outlook — that seems to be everyone’s favourite topic of conversation. And when the words start to come out of their mouth, learn to capture them all.
Do not just stare at them like a lost soul, and think about what you want to say in response. Instead, hear effectively what they are saying, respond appropriately by carefully choosing your words, controlling your body language, and asking them follow-up questions.
If you can master the art of effective listening, you will go a long way in making fulfilling social ties with anyone you meet.
5. Do Some Sort of Activity With Other People
Again, if you do not right now have someone to link up with — such as your loved ones or friends — shrug off the laziness and get out of the house to meet new people. Perhaps you can join your local book club and get to know like-minded people.
If the act of meeting strangers terrifies you, it helps tremendously to discover locations where you can find comfort easily — for instance, a restaurant you regularly dine in at, a bar you used to visit with your friends.
However, failing that, it is worth trying some sort of group activity — a yoga group, a running group, or a hiking group. All these activities lubricate the social gears.
6. Practice and Get Used to It
For most people, it is common to feel shy or socially anxious when placed in unfamiliar situations or circumstances that tense us up.
The solution for this is to get used to them, and the only way to truly achieve that is to do it consistently. Keep working on it until you are good at it. The more you keep this up, the easier it is to settle down comfortably.
7. Take It Slow and Steady
If the tips I have mentioned thus far sound too overwhelming for you, it is best to do it slowly and steadily by taking baby steps.
Let your starting point be somewhere you are familiar with and, thus, comfortable. Simply make an effort to talk to someone you know a bit. Afterwards, do the same, but this time with someone you do not know in a situation you know is comforting to you.
Move one step at a time. Celebrate your accomplishments, no matter their size or significance. Then, give it another shot on another day. There is no need for you to make multiple connections at the same time.
8. Aid Those Less Fortunate
Apart from meeting strangers, another excellent way to link up with humanity is to help those who genuinely need help.
For instance, volunteering to aid the homeless, the poor and the hungry is a terrific way to come across new people, to make a difference in people’s lives, and to establish connections with people in ways that are otherwise impossible.
9. Never Stop Looking for Ways to Express Your Love
Whether you are getting in touch with your loved ones, with fellow strangers or with those who are desperate for help, the ultimate connection is always through love. The way to develop this kind of bond is by first showcasing your love in any way you can without expecting the same to be returned to you.
You might be asking, “How can I express my love?” The answer: that is your call to make.
You must look for ways that are appropriate and relevant for the situation, the relationship and to you as an individual. If you do not know where to start, here are several ideas to get you rolling:
- Writing a nice letter
- Giving a genuine smile
- Offering a warm hug
- Simply spending time with them
- Telling the reasons you adore them
I am confident you can come up with lots more than what I have listed above.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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