3 Reasons Why Privacy Is Important in Romantic Relationships

**This is a work of nonfiction based on actual events as told to me by a close friend, who experienced them firsthand; used with permission.

A friend of mine discovered a provocative video in the deleted folder on her husband’s phone. And while he was the only person featured in the recording, she felt as though he must have made it for sharing with someone else.

But rather than ask him about the video, she decided to do a little more digging. She went through his browsing history, checked to see if he had any recently deleted texts, and even checked the battery usage to see which apps he spent the most time on.

Next, she checked his subscriptions and app store purchases. She even considered installing hidden cameras around the house when she failed to uncover any incriminating evidence. But at no point did she ever consider having a conversation with her husband to express her concerns.

He eventually walked in on her, scrolling through his text messages when she thought he was in the shower. She came to find out that he wasn’t cheating after all. He was simply feeling undesirable after turning 50 and was exploring ways to feel attractive again.

They saw a marriage counselor, but he couldn’t seem to get past the lengths she was willing to go through to catch him doing something he wasn’t guilty of doing.

They divorced three years later.

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The importance of privacy in romantic relationships cannot be overstated. When two people share a close bond, it is essential that they feel safe and secure in sharing personal information. A privacy violation can profoundly damage the relationship, leading to trust issues and resentment.

Privacy means being entitled to private thoughts, feelings, or experiences without others being aware of them. It is the ability to share personal information without fear that it will be shared with others or used against you.

In romantic relationships, privacy is paramount because it helps build trust and intimacy. When two people feel like they can share anything without fear of judgment or retribution, it strengthens the relationship. A privacy violation can damage that trust and cause resentment to build.

The difference between private and secret information.

Privacy and secrecy are two different things.

In general terms, privacy is the state of being free from observation. In other words, privacy is about the inalienable right to keep something to yourself. On the other hand, a secret is not intended to be seen or known by a specific person(s) for any given reason.

In other words, privacy is about who you share information with, while secrecy is about who you share information with and how they use it.

But in the context of romantic relationships, privacy and secrecy require expanded definitions.

In romantic partnerships, private information is anything that requires a degree of trust to disclose. At the same time, secret information involves details and particulars about the relationship between you and your partner.

In my friend’s case, the video she found was private because her husband made it for himself. Now had he shared that video with someone he had a romantic interest in, that would have been considered a secret.

Are you entitled to privacy in a relationship?

You are always entitled to privacy in a relationship, regardless of the nature of the relationship. Whether you are married, dating, or just friends, you have the right to keep your thoughts, feelings, and experiences to yourself. You do not need to share anything with your partner that you don’t want to share.

Withholding information that directly impacts your partner or the relationship is a secret, and that is not okay.

There should be room for the things you decide to keep to yourself in healthy relationships. And you should never feel pressured to share private information.

Is it okay to snoop through your partner’s phone?

I know several couples who agree to give one another unlimited access to their devices. For them, having that level of access is comfortable. But that was not the case with my friend. Her husband did not give her permission to go through his phone.

Snooping through your partner’s phone is a privacy violation and is not okay. It is an invasion of their privacy and can damage the relationship. When you snoop through someone’s phone, you are basically looking through their personal information without their consent.

So unless the other person gives you explicit approval to access their phone, consider it off-limits.

There are three primary reasons why privacy is so important in romantic relationships:

1. It builds trust.

Privacy builds trust in a relationship. When you share personal information with someone, you trust that they will not share it with others or use it against you. If you feel like your privacy is being violated, it can damage that trust and cause resentment to build.

2. It builds intimacy.

Intimacy is critical in romantic relationships. When you feel like you can share anything with your partner, it strengthens your bond. A privacy violation can damage that intimacy and erode previously established trust.

3. It fosters respect.

Respecting your partner’s privacy is a sign of respect. It shows that you value them and their feelings. It also indicates that you trust them. Have a conversation if you have reason to believe that your partner is keeping secrets that may impact you or the relationship. Being willing to address concerns directly is a sign of respect.

Privacy is essential to a healthy relationship. It builds trust, intimacy, and respect — when these things are damaged or destroyed, it can be detrimental to the overall quality of your connection. You should take privacy violations seriously and work together to resolve the issues constructively.

Originally posted on newsbreak.com

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Stacey Herrera is a relationship-ing practitioner, jalapeño junkie, and chronic library fine payer. She’s also an Intimacy + Relationship-ing coach residing in the Port of Los Angeles. She is the author of three tiny books: How to Give Amazing Head, Aftercare — 21 Things to do After Sex, and Relationship-ing.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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