Girl, You Are Your Own Prince Charming

My whole teenage years to the early twenties were spent chasing guys who didn’t give a damn about me. I’ve always had a crush and put my happiness so much on them.

I cringe so bad whenever I look back at those years. I wish I could see how fucked up it was — revolving your youth to nothing else but boys.

A relationship is a big part of our lives, and for so long, I thought that’s the only part of life. I didn’t work on my career hard enough. I was lazy to work on other parts of my life because I thought, “only a man can bring me that fulfilling life.”

Oh, I was so wrong.

Now that I’m almost 28, I can see clearly how much more life has to offer. You guys, it’s so freaking beautiful. If a man can’t love me properly the way I do to him, then I have no problem walking away.

And I’m damn sure I’ll still be happy with or without a man on my side.

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The art of knowing your worth

“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.”― Lao Tzu.

When you don’t know who you are and what you want, other people will make the decisions for you. They might call it caring, but what they think is best for you doesn’t mean it’s right for you.

Men where I grew up (West Borneo, Indonesia) refuse to see their partners earn more money than them. They want to highlight the idea that it’s them who’s in charge of their financial life. The women earning more in the house hurt their egos.

So what do they do? He asks her to quit the job and be a stay-at-home mom. Not her choice, obviously.

But if she knew her worth, she’d stand up for herself. This kind of woman knows they work not only for the money but for the satisfaction inside. They know they’re capable of doing something bigger than raising the kids.

And sometimes you need to have your own world where it has nothing to do with the man you’re with or the family. You need that one place to recharge.

Yet some men see it from a different perspective. They see it as a threat. It’s like seeing the partner working makes them less manly. If you’re in this kind of relationship, it’s never too late to turn things around.

But first, you need to fully understand your own self-worth so no man can tell you what you can/can’t have.

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Chasing a man won’t bring you anywhere close to happiness

Being in a relationship can increase your happiness — if you happen to be with the right person. If you don’t? Or worse, if you’re the one who always chases them to be with you? Then something seems off.

The definition of chasing for me isn’t just to like a guy, get close, and confess (then desperately trying to make him like you back). When you’re already in a relationship but find yourself is all alone in trying to make it go, that’s also chasing.

You’re chasing his time and affection. You’re chasing the things you deserve but got overlooked by him. It’s mentally draining. And it doesn’t matter how much “approval” he’s given you — it’s never enough.

Why? Because you look for it at the wrong place.

You can never change a man. Ever. So it doesn’t matter if you’ve given everything to him, things aren’t going to be even. I understand, though, that crazy butterfly feelings can be addicting. If he reciprocated your feelings today, you’d be happy, and if he hurt you the next day, you’d cry your eyes out to sleep.

It’s an endless emotional roller-coaster.

“When you know your worth, no one can make you feel worthless.” — Anonymous.

This is your reminder

No prince charming is going to save you.

Rather than waiting, why not become your own prince charming? It’s not that hard. You just need to acknowledge that your life is more than just chasing for a man’s love.

They say love comes when you least expect it. I can attest to it. Attract, don’t chase.

If no one comes around, it’s always better to be alone than force yourself into the wrong relationship. You aren’t losing anything, trust me. Being single doesn’t mean you aren’t capable of being with someone.

You just choose not to — at least not yet.

“There’s something really cool about knowing that your destiny is so big that you’re not meant to share it with anyone. At least not yet.” — unknown

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Hi! Anggun here. I write about all things that you might struggle with within your love life. My main goal is to make you feel less alone on your journey. If you resonate with my stories, stay in tune by becoming a Medium member here.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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