5 Things All “Survivors” of a Toxic Relationship Will Understand

It doesn’t matter if we’ve been together for 2 weeks or 20 years. It doesn’t matter what our age was when the relationship started or how soon after it ended.

We all know the feeling of having one foot in and one foot out. Of being so unsure about who we are and what we want that we can’t decide anything-not, even if and when to end something that will never work out anyway.

We’ve all had the experience of wondering what was and wasn’t real. And we’ve all been there, sitting alone in a room, silently screaming into the darkness.

1. We know what it’s like to look for something that isn’t there anymore.

… but we can never find it. The more time goes by, the more blindingly obvious it becomes that something has changed — irreversibly.

That spark you thought was there isn’t. The person you thought you were with has disappeared, leaving nothing but a hole in your heart.

And we’re all here because…

2. We know what it’s like to be alone and afraid of what’s going to happen next.

We’re all here because we’re not sure if there’s someone out there who’ll understand us, someone who will understand what we’ve been through and be able to offer us the things that hurt us most when we need them most.

We want someone who’ll make the flames of our anger, sadness, and frustration subside-even for just a little while.

Someone who won’t allow us to sink into the darkness and see nothing but the pit of despair that lies before us.

3. We know what it’s like to be afraid of how you’ll react in certain situations.

We’re all here because we fear being alone. We fear seeing our ex-lovers and wonder if they’re waiting for us, quietly sitting on the other side of a door nearby.

We fear seeing them with someone else and not being able to do a damn thing about it.

But most of all, we fear what someone else might think if they knew the extent of what we let happen to us.

4. We know what it’s like to wonder if there’s anyone out there for you.

We’re all here because we want to stop feeling that way. We want someone who’ll let us feel again, someone who won’t make us keep our guard up.

Someone we can talk to without having to filter every word. Someone who makes us want to get better simply because they make us better.

5. We know what it’s like to be afraid of being alone, even when that’s what we need most.

The good news is that we’re all here… And we’re all going to be fine. The only thing I want you to remember is that

… you’re not alone.

Even though you couldn’t find that special someone and they never came along, you’re still not alone.

And it doesn’t matter if nothing has changed when it comes to the relationship; there’s been a change within you, and over time, that change will have worked its way through your entire body.

You’re no longer alone. You’re not a “survivor” anymore. Because you’re already an “expert.” And you know what we all need when we need it most:

… someone who doesn’t leave us feeling empty and hopeless but who fills us with love and hope instead. Someone to tell us that everything is going to be okay even when we can’t see a way out, even if we feel like giving up entirely.

Someone to tell us that we made the right decision. Someone to show us that it was worth it. Someone who doesn’t make us feel alone but with whom we feel complete — even when we’re the only ones who know it.

You’ll find someone who can make you feel that way. You’ll see that there’s someone for everyone out there, and he or she is probably already at your side, waiting for you to find them. When you do, you’ll both be perfectly fine.

… because you’ll be together.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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