Happiness Is a Skill

We study to learn a particular skill, work out in the gym to improve our fitness, and build our social skills to make new relationships.

But did you know that happiness is also a skill?

We probably didn’t realise this idea because we have been conditioned by society that happiness is a state that can only be achieved when certain conditions are met, like finding your soul mate, getting the dream job/business, or having the fancy car/mansion etc.

Here is what Selin Kesebir, (Associate Professor of Organisational Behaviour) have to say about this important skill.

“Happiness is a skill that can be learned like speaking Spanish or playing guitar. It is a skill of the mind; a capacity to shape the way that we see, process and interpret our reality and the things around us. It can be developed like any other competence.”

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from life experience, it’s that looking for happiness from pleasure or the fulfilment of my dreams can automatically set me up for failure.

I’ve always thought that I have to be living a particular life to feel happy. I should have learned and practised the art of happiness from within without relying on outside influence.

Making our happiness the main priority

Since learning this concept this year, I have started focusing on activities that bring the most happiness in my life.

Before, I focused most of my energy on making an extra income, whether working overtime to get that bonus from work or getting involved in side hustles.

The extra income was my answer to getting more stuff, which didn’t make me happy at all.

I read more inspiring books on areas I have a strong interest in, have spent more time with family and friends that inspire me, I’ve built the habit of writing in a gratitude journal and have been meditating five days a week for the last few months.

I even watch comedy more than any other year in my life!

How about you? What activities can increase your happiness daily?

The happiness equation

Mo Gowdat had everything in life that most of us could only dream of. He was earning a ludicrous amount of money, had a beautiful family, multiple cars and the prestige of working with Google X.

Yet he was miserable despite the great life he has.

With the help of his son Ali, they both created the happiness equation.

The Happiness Equation is: that your happiness is equal to or greater than the difference between the events of your life and your expectations of how life should behave.

Does that mean we all should have low expectations in life moving forward?
That depends on who you ask. It’s an interesting concept and radical to some people.

I remember going on a vacation to Italy with my wife. Before the trip, I had high expectations because of the photos and videos shared on Social Media.

Unfortunately, that high expectation ruined that trip for me. (Especially the food)

Stuff and happiness

In the past, I’ve always wanted to own so much stuff in my early twenties when I was younger. I liked the best sneakers, the gadgets, a lovely city apartment and a sports car.

I noticed at that time that I would feel a rush of dopamine in my brain when buying something for the first time. That rush quickly runs out, and I’m back to my original state.

The craving for short jolts of pleasure will keep me spending more on things again and again.

That’s why I started practising Minimalism to help me train to live a happier but simpler life.

Photo by iStockPhoto.com

Making others happy

“There is nothing that makes us happier than making others happy”

— Mo Gawdat

I remember watching a video that made me think about happiness deeply. It was by one of my mentors (Jay Shetty). He said that we humans are wired for service, educated for greed.

Scientifically, spiritually and practically, service is what gives us the most profound joy and makes the most significant difference in the world.

No one is born to hate another person. We are born happy. According to Mo Gawdat, it is our default state coming into the world.

If newborns get the basic needs to survive, they are happy! They don’t need anything else from the outside world to feel that way.

As we grow up, we feel the happiest when making others happy. We are wired to help one another.

That’s what makes us humans.