When She Makes More Money

In many cultures the man is supposed to be the primary “bread winner”, however, from the 1960’s to 2000’s the number of women who work outside of the home, grew from 37% to 61%. Even with the disparity in wages, there are still many households where the woman makes more money.

In fact, a recent article by CNBC reports, “Among those earning over $100,000, nearly 1 in 3 millennial and Gen X women report being the primary income earner or contributing the largest share of the household finances. Only about 20% of women in previous generations carried their families financially.

Despite the Covid-19 pandemic being tougher on women’s earnings and employment, about 54% of all women who can be considered high earners report earning wages that are greater than or equal to that of their spouse or partner, according to a survey fielded by Wells Fargo in January among over 2,000 women residing in households with at least $100,000 in income or at least $250,000 in assets”.

So, what do you do when your wife or significant other makes more money?

My wife and I met in college in the early 80’s, when minimum wage was $3.25. I worked on campus at the student union and in the restaurant business at night and she was a hostess in an upscale restaurant in town. We were able to afford an apartment and I purchased my first car (with help from a family member).

When my wife graduated with her degree in nursing and was offered a job for $8.30 per hour, I left school, without my degree, to follow her to a better life.

We had our first child within a year of the move, and I quickly found out the limitations on my earning potential without a college degree. With no real experience and not wanting to get back into the food business, I took a sales position.

Our second child came within 18 months after the first and my wife began working for nursing agencies because of better pay and more flexible hours. During this time, she was always earning more, and I took jobs in security to be able to take care of the kids while she worked during her long shifts.

We struggled tremendously for many years but decided we would always do whatever it took to give our children the best life possible. It was then at the ripe age of 28 we understood it didn’t matter who contributed what, it was about the quality of life for our children.

For the next ten years, she earned more on a regular basis because I was working commissioned sales, but there were several years where we made the same or I even made a little more. We purchased our first home, bought cars, and began to have a more normal life.

I went back to school and got my bachelor’s degree 2004 and my Masters in 2007, but she had more than 15 years’ experience and still made more. This didn’t bother me because I ran the finances in the household and as long as we could meet our responsibilities and take an occasional vacation we were good.

Around 2009 I began to earn more and have been the larger earner since then and my wife never knew, nor did I mention it. I remember one year we were signing our tax returns and she said, “you earned that much last year?”

Fast forward to this year and my wife left the company she has worked for the last 17 years to join me in our family business. It wasn’t easy letting go of her salary and benefits, but it was time, and she trusts our ability to make it work.

The point I wanted to make in this article is about the quality of your relationship. You must understand who each of you are and how money functions in your household. If your lifestyle is built around ego and gender roles, you may have a tough time resolving times of financial challenges.

However, If the two of you have the same goals and values, it doesn’t matter who makes the most. It’s about the quality of life and how you grow. This is especially true if you are still in the dating phase of the relationship. Before you take the leap into marriage, have conversations about money. Discuss expectations and goals and make tough decisions now. Better to walk away than to live a life of strife and misery.

Besides, she will respect you more if she can trust you and trust comes from communication, transparency, and hard work.

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

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