Forget About Finding the Right Person, Are You Happy with Yourself?

I spent more than an hour on TikTok when I woke up this morning. To say that I didn’t regret it is an understatement.

But you know what surprises me the most? Seeing some people desperately looking for a new partner.

That type of video where they advertise themselves while having “are you interested?” on their caption.

It’s crazy what low self-esteem can do to you and the actions you make. Still, it doesn’t make sense to me that many have spent way too much looking for the right person.

Let’s forget for a minute about that one right person who could be waiting for you out there. It’s time to do a self-check-in: are you happy with yourself?

If the answer is no, then maybe it’s not a good time to search for “the one”. You can never love someone well if you can’t even give love to yourself.

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The cliché “you can’t expect someone to make you happy”, is it true?

Alright. You heard it everywhere.

“Love yourself before someone else.”

What a cliché quote. But if I say it’s true, would you believe me?

Just like you, I used to be so cynical when it came to a healthy relationship. I thought it was found, not built.

I thought my job was to look for someone who likes me, and everything would work out.

Of course, I was wrong. But not only was I wrong about that part, but I was also wrong about the old belief that having a man in my life would take away all of my problems.

I wasn’t happy in my career life. My relationship with myself was a wreck. I hated my body and everything in me.

But being in a relationship didn’t solve any of those problems. Nowadays, I wish I could spend a little longer being single.

Because the truth is, if you aren’t happy in your single time, there’s no way you’ll be happy when you’re in a relationship. Even if that someone’s the “perfect” match for you.

It’s an internal job, and many refuse to do the work. Why?

Because it’s harder to address the issue that’s coming from yourself. It’s way easier to hand that job to someone else (your partner).

So, in short, expecting someone else to make you happy will only lead to more disappointment.

What’s your world look like without a romantic relationship?

Do you have other things in your life you’re incredibly proud of? How’s your life in general?

Are you satisfied? Or do you think something’s missing if you aren’t in a relationship?

Believe it or not, there are people out there who can’t be single — even for a month. There’s this need to always be in a romantic relationship just to make them feel “whole”.

But down the road, that’s what caused people to feel miserable. They can’t figure out why because they think a relationship will complete them, so they are in one.

So, what’s the matter?

They don’t know who they are without their relationship — and that’s a problem.

We are all individuals with different interests and passions. Revolving your world around your partner or the relationship will make you lose that part of yourself.

And before you know it, you’re losing your whole identity.

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It’s time to go out and explore the world — on your own

If you aren’t happy where you are right now, most times, the reason isn’t that you’re single.

Being on your own is great. It’s a gift you need to embrace.

Having a man/woman in your life will never fix your misery. And please allow me to drop another cliché quote where it says, “happiness always comes from within”.

And it does come from within. It’s our job to figure out what are the things that make us happy and content.

So, go out there and explore the world. Try solo travel or even with your friends.

Approach some of your dark thoughts with new perspectives — more positive ones.

Trust me, your love life isn’t the only part that matter. Many other things can give you happiness.

The funny thing is, sometimes the more you’re looking and trying too hard, the more you end up in a bad relationship.

And when you’re just enjoying your life on your own without worrying, the best person shows up unexpectedly.

Life is truly a mystery. And your job is to embrace whatever is in front of you, rather than wishing things would be different.

Yes, reaching goals is important, but the actual process of becoming, growing, learning, and morphing into who we need to become is the real sweet stuff that makes a wonderful life. Enjoy the journey as much as the reward.

— Shannon Kaiser

P.S: This article is inspired by my friend Len Vidson and I’m grateful to have such an amazing and caring person in my life.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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