Why Do Men Always Crawl Back Once You Stop Caring

Sometimes when a relationship fails, we blame ourselves for not doing enough. We try to fix it and get back to the person. But most times, going back after a breakup may cause more harm than letting go.

When your partner loves you, they treat you with utmost respect, love, and care. They want to be with you at any chance they get. But as that love diminishes, their attitude towards you may change.

You will notice they become disrespectful or start avoiding you. It’s because they have grown complacent and in the worst case they’ve become entitled to the things you provide in the relationship.

At this point, you may contemplate a breakup. Maybe you decided to take a page from his book and distance yourself from him. You stop communicating. You don’t visit or chat with him as you used.

Then all of a sudden, he begins to show interest. Now he wants to know where you are, and what you are doing. He misses you and wants you back.

But does he really miss you or does he miss the benefits he was getting from you?

Crawling back to your ex after they’ve moved on is a shitty way to express love

I can count two real relationships and many causal affairs I’ve let myself down and allowed the guy back after a messy a break up. Sitting there on my bed, one question continues to flood my thoughts. “You said you won’t go back, why did you?” I got weak, another voice replied.

But was I weak? Or was I being human? As much as we confuse the two, being human doesn’t represent weakness.

Humans have the tendency to believe there is goodness in everyone. And that people can change for good.

I was human all those times I got back to my exes. I believed I was capable of giving second chances or a third, maybe even a fourth. Some people are lucky to remain together with their ex after a one-time breakup or divorce.

So yes, not all breakups stay broken. Some find their way and become more responsible and caring to their ex when they get back together. The reality is when you have been with some for a while their expectations of you can interfere with your expectations of them. And this is when feelings grow complicated.

Once you enter into a new relationship, you have to set the tone of the relationship from day one. You need to investigate and get to know the person first. Then set your expectation of him and the relationship.

The problem is most women invest too early in their relationship. They don’t give the guy enough time to earn his place in their life. The guy feels the process you put in to keep the relationship strong but he doesn’t feel the stress of investing his time and resources.

He doesn’t contribute to making the relationship work. Because you are always there and you do your best to keep the relationship together he doesn’t realize the effort it takes to build a relationship.

When you do walk away, he begins to realize the benefit of your love, your affection, and the relationship. He feels like a resource has left him — as if something that was enjoyable to him is now gone.

Most people become entitled to your best when you start to give it without allowing them to earn it.

If you have a boss that is cool about off time, he doesn’t have strict rules on when people go and come back for breaks and lunch, eventually, employees will take advantage of it.

They will take his compassion for granted and may feel entitled to that benefit as soon as he clamps down on break time.

People become entitled and expect your best if they have been receiving your best without earning it.

So when a guy starts caring after you stopped showing interest in him, he simply wants back the benefits he was used to getting in the relationship. He misses the love, affection, care, money, sex, or anything you’ve been providing and he wants them back.

This does not mean all returnee exes are suckers who lack the integrity to know you are worth fighting for. However, if your ex wants you back, you might want to check these signs to see if his intentions are true or fake.

If a person doesn’t treat you nicely, the odds are they’ve taken you for granted. If a guy treated you like a beat-up car while you were dating, you should think twice before getting back to them.

He knows he screwed up and hopes to make amends

Guys make mistakes too but their ego won’t let them admit it. Most of the time, a guy regrets a breakup 24 hours after they walked away. In the heat of an argument, people say things out of anger and they regret it immediately after.

He takes time to think about the relationship and the breakup. He imagines life without you now you have stopped caring and moved on. The reality scares him and he begins to feel guilty.

Now the guilt has kicked in, suddenly, he needs to make amends starting with an apology. Some might send a simple “how are you” text to break the ice. Others might choose more subtle means by liking or commenting on your social media post. Only a few will go for a direct approach to apologize and ask for reconciliation.

If your ex-boyfriend always comes back after a breakup, it could be his ego went too far during the argument. He knows he screwed up, you don’t deserve the attitude he gave you and he regrets his actions.

Guilt is one of our biggest weaknesses. When we do something wrong we feel guilty and until we resolve that issue we won’t be at peace.

He’s probably checking to see if you are still miserable.

I like that look of betrayal I see on a guy’s face after I have moved on to a rebound. They see me with someone else and they stare at me like “so you’ve been cheating on me all this while.”

Guys are predictable. I mean they breakup with you and they keep in touch just so that they can monitor your activities and see how miserable your life is without them. If he stops caring or breaks up with you, the best thing you can do is move on immediately.

I’m assuming you have done all you can to rekindle his affection, and he did not change. Most people recognize your worth in their life when they see you have moved on without them.

Even if you are hurting, pretend you are happy the way things are. Because most times a guy returns to you after you have moved on to see if he still has control over you. A toxic ex will like to prove you have no life without him. He wants to know he broke you so keeps a close watch on you.

But if he sees you’re having fun and looking unbothered, that will make him jealous. Your poise and strength are your superpowers for getting your man attracted to you again. This will bring him back. However, when he comes back the relationship won’t last.

Now don’t expect every ex-boyfriend will come back after you’ve moved on. However, you have a better chance of seeing them crawl back into your life when you stop caring and focus on living the best of yourself.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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