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The start of a relationship is a lot of fun. Everything is new. You make discoveries about each other every day. Your partner’s annoying habits don’t bother you yet. As time goes on, things sometimes get even better as you become comfortable together and face the world as a team.
Maybe you know you’ve found “the one.” Perhaps you think you might have, but you don’t see how you can be sure. There’s a lot to think about when two lives become intertwined. For example, you may be wondering if you can add your girlfriend or boyfriend to your health insurance or if you have to be married.
Before you take the next steps like moving in together, getting married, combining assets and insurance, or starting a family, ask yourself these five questions to see if your partner is truly the right one for you.
5 Questions to Help You Decide if You Should Get Married
These are fundamental questions, and you already know the answers, but sometimes, you need a reminder.
#1 – Do we share beliefs?
While you can look hard enough and find happy couples with different beliefs, they’re the exception rather than the rule. And the more devout you or your partner is, the more challenging the difference will be.
Your core beliefs affect how you look at the world, process information, and make decisions, and if you and your partner are on different pages, life will be difficult.
Before you decide that since you get along great now, even though you have different beliefs, you’ll be good to go, think about how you will want your children raised. Most people picture their children being raised with the same beliefs or in the same value structure they have, but if you and your partner both feel that way, there will be conflict down the road.
A couple can commit to making things work with different beliefs, but there will be challenges, and you’ll need to be prepared to face them and enter a commitment with your eyes open to that probability.
#2 – Do we have complementary family goals?
Like it or not, children will be a big issue in your relationship if you don’t share goals. Specifically, do you and your partner want children? If you want kids and your partner doesn’t, you might think you can make it work because right now, you’re alright without kids.
But, in a few years, your lifelong dream of children will start feeling stronger and stronger. And your partner’s dream of a life without kids might not change. So, you’ll begin to feel resentful. You might think something is missing from your life. And it’s very possible that you will feel unfulfilled.
Even if you both want kids, but you want one and your partner wants a huge family, you could be in for years of conflict and bitterness.
The more your dreams line up with each other, the more you can face the joys and sorrows of starting a family — or not — as a unified front.
#3 – Do we love each other?
It’s time to evaluate your relationship. Have you grown comfortable together so you don’t even think about if you love them?
It’s critical to remember that comfort doesn’t equal love. If you don’t love each other, do yourselves a favor and separate before you enter a committed relationship and things get messy. Comfort doesn’t equal love. So, while it may be uncomfortable to become single again, it will be completely worth it when you’re free to find love.
#4 – Do we enjoy each other?
This question is similar to the love question, but you can love someone and not enjoy being with them. You and your partner should have a blast together. You should want to go on vacation together and try new things or stay at home and do fun activities to bust the boredom. It doesn’t matter what you do if being together makes you happy.
If you don’t love to hang out now, things won’t change after you get married. Like substituting comfort for love, people also stay together for familiarity instead of enjoyment.
#5 – Do we trust each other?
People make mistakes, and forgiveness has to be a part of a healthy relationship, but rebuilding takes work if your partner does something to break your trust. If trust has been broken several times, you might not be able to trust them again.
You should not take a relationship to the next level if you don’t have trust in place. You’ll be building without a foundation, and your relationship will fall apart. The further intertwined your lives are, the more complicated breaking up can be, so don’t move forward unless you fully trust your partner.
Practicalities of Joining Lives in Marriage
There are many more things to think about when considering marriage than planning a wedding. Make sure you’re on the same page as your partner about the following practicalities of married life.
Joint Finances in Marriage
You have some options. You can maintain separate bank accounts, join all accounts, or do a hybrid. But no matter how independent you keep things, you’ll have to figure out how to make your finances work together to maintain your lifestyle.
In addition to bank accounts, you’ll also need to consider credit card accounts and loans. Will you add your partner to your accounts? Will you fill out a mortgage application together if you buy a house? These are all things you’ll have to discuss and agree on when you get married.
Insurance Policies and Relationships
If you live together, you can usually get a joint car insurance policy with your girlfriend or boyfriend just like you could if you were married. And a lot of times, that’s the most cost-effective route.
But once again, it’s something to think about. If your partner doesn’t have a clean driving record, you might not want to be associated with their increased risk and high premiums. But if you live together, you’ll have to exclude them as a driver on your policy, or you’ll pay the price for their high-risk driving habits.
Health insurance isn’t so easy to get for unmarried partners. In fact, almost no employer-sponsored health plan will let you add anyone except married partners and children.
Joint Decision-Making When Living Together
When you share a home with your partner, you have to treat it as both of yours. If your partner moves into what was your home, you have to remember that it now belongs to both of you. It’s not fair if you make all the decisions about what goes on there.
If you’re not ready for that, you probably shouldn’t be moving in together. But if you’re in a healthy relationship built on love and trust, making joint home decisions isn’t something to be afraid of. Instead, it’s something to look forward to and enjoy.
If you’ve evaluated the questions listed above and decided your answers are satisfactory, then maybe you’re ready to take the next step get married, and hope for happily ever after.
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Melanie Musson writes and researches for the insurance comparison site, TheTruthAboutInsurance.com. She’s passionate about helping others understand their insurance needs and how the right policy can provide a financial foundation for your future.
