5 Subtle Signs Your Relationship Is a Passionate One

To a whole lot of people, the term “passion” when it comes to romantic relationships is nothing more than intense romantic feelings, physical attraction, and sexual intimacy that’ll most likely end together with the honeymoon phase.

To another unfortunate class of people, passionate relationships are often full of fun and excitement but at the price of having an asshole of a partner.

But to a few other fortunate people, passion in a romantic relationship goes beyond fierce romantic feelings, physical or sexual attraction, and intimacy, and even beyond all forms of fun and excitement into nice, stable relationships full of love and respect at the same time. And the truth is, I’m humbly one of them.

This might sound unrealistic to some, but I strongly believe in the type of passionate love that doesn’t fade or wither even after years and years. The type of passionate love that’s so companionate, stable, fulfilling, and even comfortable but isn’t boring neither will it ever slide into the dreaded “roommate syndrome”.

But I do know one thing: it can be really easy to define passionate love in every other way but the way I just described (the type of passionate relationship I believe in) — all thanks to the stereotypical and even unhealthy depictions of passionate relationships in books, movies, tv shows, you name it.

Well, after being with my now partner for a considerable amount of time, I’ve come to see passionate love for what it really is, and not the popular short-term intense or fierce physical and sexual attraction. Or the insecurity and low-self esteem driven belief that passionate relationships are synonymous with toxic relationships.

Wanna know what a truly passionate relationship actually looks like?

Here are five tell-tale signs you’ll only see in one:

1. You Prioritize Each Other

I can remember making my ex-partner and ex-relationship one of the most essential things in my life, which means her emotional and other needs are as important as mine — even though life, work, and other things often try to get in the way, I never let them push my love for her and essence of the relationship aside. Yes, I loved her that much.

Because deep within me, I know that if couples fail to prioritize and treat their relationships like a baby they made together and instead choose to take the relationship for granted, the relationship won’t only lose its spark and fall into a parallel pattern of life, but will eventually have a sudden terrible ending.

Yet, I and the relationship were nothing close to the top of her priority list.

She couldn’t care less about my emotional and other needs. She often makes a complete 180 turn on my loving attempts to honor our initial traditional date nights and other attempts to incorporate variety and keep the passionate fire burning. Worse, she’d often dismiss my feelings instead of accepting and validating them. The most painful part? Trampling over my boundaries is her second nature.

Yet, the blunt truth is, when a couple prioritizes and sees their relationship as one of the most essential things in their lives, they’ll quickly put each other first and won’t see any reason to do something that’ll jeopardize or harm their relationship. The result? Their relationship will last long and stay or grow stronger as they stay longer.

It all boils down to this:

If you and your partner aren’t compassionate enough to avoid doing things that’ll hurt each other while apologizing when you do, because it’s inevitable. Just like you should also be passionate enough to often find couple-time and create a lot of good memories, your relationship is probably nothing near a fervent and impassioned one.

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2. You’re still Affectionate with Each Other Despite being Together for Long

In every relationship, expressing oneself and showing affection towards each other is one of the most expected things. Even people that aren’t that great at showing affection in relationships often show some significantly intense levels of affection towards their partners at the beginning of the relationship.

But if you find yourself in a situation where you or your partner hardly ever put in the least significant effort to be affectionate with each other, your relationship might have lost its passionate spark.

In fact, Rachael Pace of marriage.com once said: In general, affection in a relationship is one of the key ingredients determining how strong your relationship is. Do you think relationships without affection can last a lifetime? Without affection, misunderstandings start developing. Feelings of insecurities and uncertainty are common when a partner feels undervalued and overlooked.

Affection gives us security, peace of mind, and happiness. That strong bond you have for each other will help you in times of uncertainty and trials. When you love someone, it’s normal for you to show signs of affection towards your partner.

As Rachael said, couples that are often affectionate with each other way after the honeymoon phase don’t only make each other feel validated and cherished, but also clearly indicate that the fire of love they have for each other right from time still burns (and isn’t going off anytime soon).

Hence, if you and your partner still often make the loving efforts to actually listen to each other and remember even the smallest details; do simple gestures like preparing warm home-cooked meals for each other, verbalize your love and affection for each other, and even make out time for each other even though (you might have stayed together for ages), you both have a passionate love for each other.

Yeah, being affectionate towards a partner can be as simple as some acts of thoughtfulness and love, not all about money, extravagance, or overly cheesy acts.

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3. You’re both Free Enough to Express Your Thoughts and Feelings easily

Your relationship foundation might be standing on shaky ground if there’s a lack of open communication which can bring about a lack of intimacy and a sense of disconnectedness which can, in turn, affect the relationship.

I used to try my hardest to avoid sharing even my most negative feelings, fears, doubts, insecurities, and even weaknesses with my ex.

Why? Because a few of the times I’ve tried to be open and vulnerable with my emotions in the relationship, all I got were brutal judgments, emotional invalidations and blackmails, and even intense anger outbursts that led to mind-boggling arguments.

This prompted me to often bottle up my feelings because I couldn’t trust her reactions and don’t want to personally ‘rock the boat’ of the relationship. As a result, I was only left with huge anger and resentment for her. That’s one of the reasons our bond and feelings weren’t strong enough to withstand the test of time and eventually, everything fell apart.

I’m not saying you should be overly obsessed with being transparent with your feelings that you often overshare — that can also be a huge threat to your relationship.

But in passionate relationships, couples are supposed to be free enough to be emotionally expressive and vulnerable to each other to a healthy extent. And if this isn’t your relationship, then, your relationship might probably be anything but a passionate one.

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4. You Genuinely Enjoy Listening to Each Other

As earlier hinted, if a relationship can be best described as one where there isn’t enough love and affection that provides a conducive environment where either or both parties can feel genuinely heard, seen, and listened to, the relationship might be dispassionate at best and dysfunctional at worst.

Passionate loving partners should be often willing to give each other their undivided attention and time, listen fervently to each other, and generally enjoy each other’s company even through the most mundane, boring, and monotonous activities or moments.

Sure, it’s unrealistic to expect this always or every effing time.

But relationships, where both parties involved genuinely and enthusiastically enjoy listening to each other irrespective of how long they’ve been together, are definitely among the most passionate ones.

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5. Fighting and Making up come easily Because You’re Dedicated to doing so

It’s no big news that misunderstandings, arguments, and fights are also essential and inevitable parts of even the best relationships. But during such times, the most passionate couples find it pretty easier to make up, come to a compromise, and resolve their differences.

For example, while growing up, I noticed that whenever my parents are having a disagreement which might sometimes result in mind-boggling arguments, they always make up easily.

Even though at times, I couldn’t help but feel scared, sad, or upset, especially when they use loud voices and angry words, I often wake up the next morning to find them on good terms as if nothing happened the previous day. And this is not because they often sweep everything under the rug — it’s always obvious that their love and bond usually becomes stronger after each argument.

Hence, if you and your partner so much understand each other up to the point where you communicate and compromise with ease during conflicts, you’ve certainly got yourselves a passionate relationship.

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Final Thoughts

When you find yourself in a passion-filled relationship, you will feel like you’re in a magical union that makes you extraordinarily happy because your relationship will be less stressful compared to that of unenthusiastic couples.

That’s simply because you and your partner love, appreciate, and adore each other fervently and fiercely. And if you notice a few or all of the five signs above in your relationship, there’s a high chance that your relationship is among the most passionate ones.

But if it seems like you are yet to find one, fret not, you’re going to find it someday and when you do, you won’t regret or growl over what you passed through before you finally land one. As everything will be worth it.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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