Therefore, regardless of how long you’ve been together, whether it’s been two months or twenty years, you need to take the relationship seriously. The good news is that it is a problem that can be easily solved as long as you can strike a balance between providing them room and ensuring that you do not drift apart from one another. If you handle it correctly, you might find that some physical separation teaches you to appreciate one another more and, as a result, draws you closer together. This is provided, of course, that you handle it properly.
Why Do They Require So Much Room?
The first thing you should do is have a conversation with your partner about the reasons why they require space. Remember that it is a very normal and legitimate request for them to make; therefore, make sure that you query it with real interest rather than getting defensive, even if you feel defensive or uncomfortable about it. It’s possible that they’re going through a particularly trying moment at work, that they feel as though they haven’t spent enough time with their friends, or that they’re simply experiencing feelings of claustrophobia. It will be a lot simpler for you to determine how much space to offer, as well as how much space to give if you have an understanding of the fundamental cause of the issue.
What Kind of Room Size Are They Looking For?
After you’ve had a conversation with your spouse about the reasons why they require space, it’s important to ask them how you can provide it for them. If they want more time to go to the gym or pursue a hobby, it is a simple one to negotiate; you can find out how many times a week they want to do something by asking them how often they want to do it. If they desire something more nebulous, such as “more alone time,” you might need to ask them to be a little more explicit about how you might help them with that. For example, “more alone time.”
How are you going to check in with them while still allowing them their space?
How do you ensure that you offer your partner adequate space without simultaneously experiencing a sense that you are growing further apart from each other? The most important thing you can do is make sure you check in at frequent intervals. Space between you doesn’t have to feel like the distance between you — if you do it right. Therefore, you should communicate to your partner that you are sad to hear that they are having difficulties and that you want to be able to give them the space they require; but, you should advise that you check in with them every Sunday or every other week. It’s nothing more than an opportunity to check in, find out how things are going, and learn whether or not your partner is feeling any better.
In what ways does this aspect of your relationship contribute to the whole?
Even while the majority of demands for privacy will be entirely legitimate, you still need to take into consideration the entirety of your connection. If your partner has a history of cheating, lying, or refusing to be tied down or consider your needs, then your partner’s need for space may be just a technique of manipulating or gaslighting you. You are familiar with your partner. If they treat you well most of the time and you have a solid relationship with each other, your request for privacy is likely taken seriously.
It’s easy to freak out and assume you’ve done something wrong if your spouse tells you they need space, but the reality is that even a small amount of separation may be beneficial to the health of a relationship. Sometimes we start spending too much time together, we miss our friends, or we just aren’t feeling like ourselves, and distance can help reset the balance so that we can feel more like ourselves again. Therefore, if your partner tells you that they need some time to themselves or some space to breathe, you should believe what they say and try your best to make it happen. However, if you handle the situation correctly, some physical distance and fresh eyes can help your relationship become stronger than it has ever been.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Kyle Broad on Unsplash
