Signs that You Fear Intimacy

You value independence a lot

There is nothing wrong with being independent; it’s good to be capable, knowledgeable, and self-reliant; however, you should also know how to ask for help when needed. If you are overly independent, you will try to handle everything independently because you take pride in never needing anything from anyone. This helps you maintain emotional distance from others by never allowing yourself to depend on them. Your independence grants you freedom because you keep everyone at a distance.

You fear abandonment

A deep-seated and unresolved fear of abandonment frequently underlies a fear of intimacy. With this fear in the back of your mind, you learn to adopt a positive view of yourself but a negative view of others, thinking the only person I can ever truly depend on is myself. You think that it’s always better to leave before you’re the one who’s left behind, so you’re reluctant to let people in and struggle with long-term commitment. Those who grew up with neglectful parents and have an anxious-avoidant attachment style are most likely to develop this fear.

You choose the wrong people

Have you ever had a history of falling in love with the wrong men or women? Do you often find yourself drawn to those who are unreliable or aloof emotionally, rude or unfaithful? Finding damaged, aloof, or complicated people more attractive because you want to avoid intimacy and end up rejecting the ones who are more sincere to commit is a common trait seen in those who have a fear of intimacy because it allows them to avoid getting too close to a person or ever having a stable or secure future with them.

You are a workaholic

When you are practically married to your job, there is hardly any room left in your life for any relationship at all. This may be because you invest so much to divert attention from personal problems and avoid dealing with them. You use your job and how busy you are with it as an excuse for being unable to establish or maintain healthy and lasting relationships.

You tend to be flaky

When someone gets too close to you, your first reaction is to push them away. Do you ever ghost your friends after spending a lot of time with them? Have you ever told your partner something deeply personal but stopped calling and talking to them for a few days? These behaviors show that having an authentic emotional connection with someone makes you nervous, so you try to keep them at a distance.

You are a perfectionist

It’s natural to want the people you care about to think well of you, but you shouldn’t try to present them with a perfect version of yourself all the time. If you strive for perfection, you may find it difficult to admit your shortcomings and flaws to yourself or others because you fear what they will think of you.

You tend to scare others by maintaining a faultless façade at all times, which makes them hesitant to approach you since they find it difficult to compete on your level. This façade keeps everyone distant.

But it’s crucial that you learn to be honest and transparent with the people you love and that you have enough faith in them to let them know your shortcomings.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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