Falling in Love

Some psychology experts believe that falling in Love is nothing but an evolutionary trick, carried out by genes, sexual genes, and survival instinct, to circumvent the conscious mind and push it towards marriage. In this article, we will learn about the definition of Love according to the concept of psychology; we will dig deep into the psychology of falling in Love and talk about the most important differences between true Love and falling in Love.

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“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” — Dr. Suess

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What is the definition of Love according to Psychology?

Some psychology experts believe that Love is a set of necessary emotional needs, which a person may resort to satisfying in different ways. It may be an intuitive or expected behavior for most people to fulfill this need to look for it in other people and try to link Love to satisfy this need in this particular person, which opens the door to emotional blackmail or vanity, whether consciously or unconsciously.

In what some modern psychologists define as a permanent state of liberation from oneself, identification with the beloved person, his soul, and mind to the point of uniting into one entity, so everything that hurts him hurts us, and everything that he means concerns us, and at the level of internal feeling and external physical sensation.

The difference between true Love and falling in Love in terms of concept:

True Love is a state of permanent expansion of the ego in both partners, but falling in Love is a temporary state in which the self goes out of the boundaries of the ego for some time and rejoices in this, like a little child who goes out into the forest thinking that he can manage his affairs alone, and is overwhelmed with feelings of joy, happiness, and victory. Still, with the onset of darkness, he begins to cry and runs home scared.

True Love is a state of promoting the individual growth of a person or, let’s say, more precisely.

It is to put the individual in front of his eyes of the goal of development and emotional, psychological, social, and professional development.

This is not what we find in the case of falling in Love.

Because the individual does not set Development and Development as a goal for him; instead, he views the relationship as a goal.

When he reaches it, he thinks he has reached the summit of security, stability, and reassurance and does not need to develop his being.

The difference between Love and falling in Love in the starting method:

Psychology experts distinguish between Love and falling in Love; falling in Love is an involuntary state, not subject to specifications, data, attitudes, or ideas; instead. It is a sudden state at the level of feelings and emotions controlled by the momentary situation that brings the parties together.

If a person decides to break up, he most likely will not later carry feelings of Love and gratitude toward the other party. And falling in Love may occur without any warning or prior indication, unlike Love that arises based on specific data, information, and specifications.

The difference between Love and falling in Love in terms of sacrifice:

Love is to wish the best for the other person without making sacrifices, unlike falling in Love. This means making sacrifices and concessions without thought.

This state ensures no doubts about the other person and that the gift is spontaneous or automatic, not subject to thought processes or mental judgment.

Why falling in Love is a temporary condition?

Some trends in psychology view falling in Love as a temporary experience because it is associated with the concept of sexual desire or lust, and this is what we find in many marriage relationships that end after the end of the honeymoon.

The climax of the association was reached, which was sex, and then this feeling was emptied.

This need was satisfied; therefore, the other person became a discovered island where nothing was more exciting or surprising.

And when we say that we have fallen in Love with a specific person, it means that in most cases.

We have not taken enough time to think about this relationship in all its aspects and after the expiration of this period.

We will feel that something has changed in us from the inside; falling in Love is a concentrated state of Love.

Feelings are in a peak state, and as we know, the peak state cannot last long; because each peak state is followed by a state of decline.

When the peak is high, as in falling in Love, the drop after that may be sharp or rapid, leading to a shock-like state in feelings.

Falling in Love and tearing down the walls of self-isolation:

When a child is born, he does not know about the concepts of his new life; he does not distinguish between himself and the world around him.

He does not differentiate between his mother and his bed; all these elements are the same for him, and the boundaries of his ego are not yet complete. When he hears his mother’s voice, he may think that it is his voice. When the bed moves, he may feel that he is the one who moves, and during this period, the child does not realize any boundaries between himself and the outside world.

When a child begins to feel hungry and sees his mother rushing to feed him, and when he gets bored or bored and sees her rushing to entertain him.

He begins to form a self-concept or ego, and the boundaries of the self begin to form between him and the outside world.

When a child comes to life at the age of one and a half and starts walking, he begins to recognize the existence of new things that are different from him. The older he gets, the more he knows he is a very small being in the middle of a vast world. Still, he convinces himself that he is the center of the universe. We may find this by following cartoon characters such as Superman.

The child may then go beyond this stage and understand that he is a weak being; therefore.

He may resort to leaning back on himself in the schizophrenic state.

To protect themselves from any danger or external threat, some psychological experts believe that falling in Love achieves the demolition of the walls of this isolation that a person has built around himself.

Returns him his basic need to merge with the other.

The boundaries of the self are broken, and this person unites with the same beloved and dissolves in him to the extent that they become like a single entity.

Suppose a mother neglects her child in his first and second years due to her mental illness.

In that case, life circumstances, or death, the boundaries between the child and the outside world may not be complete. Therefore, he may grow up believing that all this world works for him and that he can change everything for his benefit.

This appears even partially in the case of arrogant leaders or dictators.

How can falling in Love be a setback in childhood?

Some schools of psychology consider falling in Love in some cases as a state of regression, that is, going back to childhood.

We get nostalgic for the childish self when we are in a state of complete integration with the mother, so falling in Love makes us feel that this old dream may come true again.

Although liberation from attachment to the mother is a need for us in adulthood.

In some cases, it may become a need; because of the comfort, security, and stability, this state allows us to have a psychological, emotional, and emotional state.

How can falling out of Love be the actual state of Love?

Falling out of Love may be the actual state of Love because both parties have gotten rid of all the impulses, desires, feelings, and unbridled emotions that really controlled them. But when they are out of this state.

The self acts out of Love; that is, it does what it does and gives what it gives for the purpose of Love and not for satisfying self-desires.

What changes do you get after you skip the stage of falling in Love?

After the haze of falling in Love is cleared from the eyes of the spouses, disagreements begin to float to the surface. They are graduated from small things that accumulate on top of each other to explode at once in the form of debates or quarrels that may end in divorce in some cases.

After the hormones and neurotransmitters responsible for feelings of joy, trust, security, and happiness settle down, the spouses begin to return to the reference or actual state that they were before marriage.

Which are the boundaries of the ego that they came out of for some time, and we see this in the following manifestations:

He wants to have sex, while she does not want it at that time, but at another time.
She wants to go to her cousin’s House, and he wants to go out with his friends.
He wants to save money to renovate the House or reclaim a plot of land, and she wants to buy a dishwasher.

Key message : Life cannot be measured by the past, the future, money, or even health; it is measured by Love.

Which are the amount of consciousness available to us, self-awareness of ourselves, and the feelings and sensations contained in it.

Awareness of the people around the us, plants, animals, trees, and birds, and each has the full right to live with Love and in peace and security.

Sources: 1 2 3

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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