It’s almost weird sometimes that I am legit writing about topics that, as Bollywood has taught us, are supposed to happen instinctively. However, that’s one of the primary reasons your relationship life might suffer.
Matthew Hussey (I believe the guy is a legend) has a formula for attraction; as far as my experience goes, it works!
Formula
Visual Chemistry + Perceived Challenge + Perceived Value + Connection = Deep and Lasting Attraction
VISUAL CHEMISTRY
The truth? Looks alone are not enough for lasting love. (Well, although I do not have much experience with eternal love, I have seen good guys around me fall for personality instead of looks.) As Hussey confirms, If you look great but do not bring along a pleasing personality, the attraction won’t last.
Your behavior creates visual chemistry. For example, how charismatic you are in conversation, how you carry yourself, your ability to exude confidence and playful energy, and how comfortable you are in creating sexual tension — these behaviors make the perception of beauty.
Luckily for us, perceived beauty is the only kind that matters when it comes to attraction and relationships.
PERCEIVED CHALLENGE
Do not come too easy. But this also does not mean that you pretend to be challenged unnecessarily. On the contrary, perceived challenge means sticking to your standards.
- If you go into every relationship giving it your all, even when the guy has not shown an equal interest in you, you need to be more challenging.
- If you let a guy have you regardless of his behavior, you are not challenging enough.
- If he feels that he can say or do whatever he wants, be as rude or obnoxious as he wants, and still get your attention no matter how he behaves, you are not challenging enough.
And the reality is that if you do not hold up to your standards, the guy loses his attraction to you. He doesn’t think you have to respect yourself and would not want to be with someone like that for the long term.
To remain attracted, he wants to see that you have high standards and prove himself capable of living up to them.
But remember that you must not pretend to be a challenge when you like the guy. This journey starts with high self-esteem and self-awareness. Then, when you are secure and know what you want, you choose someone who deserves you and does not let anyone be with you because you are too scared to be alone. That is a perceived challenge.
Don’t be afraid to say NO when you are not sure.
PERCEIVED VALUE
There’s a lot of talk these days about “high-value woman”. What this means is that a woman has a life that a man wants to be a part of. She has her passions. She derives her self-esteem internally and doesn’t rely on validation from a man to feel good about herself. She thinks and acts independently. A high-value woman has a world for him to explore, made up of friends, unique experiences, fulfilling work, and things he aspires to have in his life.
Ultimately, whenever a man commits to a relationship, it’s because he realizes that being with this one particular woman is infinitely more fulfilling than being single ever could be.
CONNECTION
Connection makes someone realize he can be in his partner’s company for hours. Passion is no substitution for reference, and sexual desire won’t keep him hooked on your personality over the years. When we share that connection, just hanging out and watching a film seems exciting; we enjoy being in the other person’s company. Connection requires us to be interested in someone’s life, values, and standards. It’s important to show on some level that we understand and can relate.
…
CREDITS: Matthey Hussey; Book Reference: How to Get the Guy?
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
 White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism |
 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
 |
—
Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com
