What Is the Mindset Required to Enjoy a Long-Term Relationship?

Comparison will kill your happiness

We suffer more when we compare our realities with somebody else’s reality. The problem with comparison is that it does not ensure a level field. Where someone is today is a result of their actions and circumstances in the past, and therefore, it makes no sense to compare yourself with people who come from a different past.

More often than not, we fail to acknowledge this basic fact and begin to feel unhappy in our great relationships as a result of falling prey to comparing it with others.

You need to let go of maintaining a record

Even healthy and long-term relationships are never a perfectly balanced equation. Sometimes, you do more for the other person and vice-versa. If you operate with a list of who did what for whom, you will suffer.

Always operate with the perspective that long-term relationships are a 60–40 equation, where you will give 60 to receive 40. This will save you from disappointments and help you enjoy your relationship.

Conflict is healthy and necessary

People are scared of conflicts. They feel that if they are having conflict with someone, it is a sign that the relationship is weak. This is nowhere near the truth.

In any long-term relationship, disagreements are inevitable. What matters is how you deal with those disagreements. If you two have a healthy template to deal with them, you will over time develop a greater understanding of who the other person is and this will benefit your relationship beyond your imagination.

So, if you two are having fights and resolving them well, know that you are on the right path. The absence of fights/disagreements is a sign that your relationship will not last.

Love is not a feeling, it is a choice

Knowing early on that love is not a feeling but rather a choice will save you from a lot of overthinking. Attraction is fleeting and with time, you will have to put effort to make your relationship work and stay attracted to your partner.

This is an inevitable phase in any relationship but when you are aware of its presence from the start, you will not feel disappointed when this happens for you. Rather you will find comfort in the fact that your relationship is progressing forward by crossing phases that are bound to occur on the path to everlasting love.

Your partner will not always be able to help you

We all have needs that we seek to fulfill from our bonds. For instance, we are facing a work issue and we want help from those around us. The truth is that your partner does not have this solution to all of your problems and more often than not, they will not be able to help you beyond emotional support.

If you do not have this mindset and expect your partner to have an answer to all your problems, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and would suffer in your relationship, even if you have a great relationship.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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