[This User’s Guide to Coaching series explains everything you need to know to successfully engage and work with a coach—a life coach, a creativity coach, an executive coach, any sort of coach. It accompanies Dr. Maisel’s latest book, The Coach’s Way, described as “the finest resource available for anyone who wants to develop or enrich their coaching abilities.” Grab your copy now!]
You’ve picked your coach but haven’t had a first session yet. You likely have some nagging worries, about whether any sort of talk can really help, about spending significant money on coaching, about whether you actually want to talk about what’s on your mind or reveal what’s in your heart. But one particular worry may be nagging at you the most, without you even being quite aware of it. That’s the worry that you are your coach may see the world completely differently.
If that were the case, how could coaching possibly work? Well, it still can, and without any problems whatsoever. It all depends on your coach’s ability not to impose his or her views on you, to act respectfully toward your views, and to make any suggestion he or she may want to make lightly and without a hint of pressure. If a coach stays in right relationship to you, then his worldview likely will not leak into session and will not matter. Who knows, that differing worldview, if and when it was to appear, might even open your eyes a bit.
What sort of worldview differences do I have in mind? Maybe you are a religious person and your coach may be secular. Or you may be secular and your coach may be a practicing Catholic. You may believe strongly in alternative medicine and your coach may believe strongly in traditional Western medicine. Or you may believe strongly in traditional Western medicine and your coach may have trained in energy medicine and Eastern practices. These differences in worldview are to be expected and they are not a problem, just as long as your coach is respectful about your beliefs and doesn’t engage in any bullying or proselytizing.
It is even okay for your coach to sometimes share his beliefs and maybe do a little teaching from his point of view. What matters is that, if and when you say “No, thanks,” he immediately stops, maybe with a smile rather than a pout and maybe with a respectful “Of course.”
I have views on life purpose and meaning that I regularly share with clients. I think they are valuable views that help clients better understand those two vital but elusive subjects. I can tell in an instant if a client is receptive to hearing or would prefer that I dropped the teaching. If I intuit that a client would prefer that I stop—or, of course, if a client actually asks me to stop—I let go of the teaching immediately, with good will and good graces. But I would not want to feel that I couldn’t put my views on the table, as those views can help clients.
It may or may not be transparently clear where you coach is “coming from,” and that is likely a good sign, as it may reflect your coach’s ability to keep his beliefs to himself and not impose them on the coaching. If, however, you become aware that your coach has an agenda, then you will have to decide whether or not his agenda matches your own and whether or not you are happy that he is coming to the coaching with personal agendas.
If it happens that your worldviews radically differ, that may indeed prove an obstacle and even a deal-breaker. But there is no reason to worry about that possibility beforehand. A good coach will be in it to help you, not sell you. Arrive at your first coaching session optimistic that your differing worldviews, if there are any, will not prove a problem. Then … be alert. The proof, as they say, will be in the pudding.
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“The Coach’s Way is possibly the finest resource available for anyone who wants to develop or enrich their coaching abilities. This new book is designed to give coaches the confidence and structure in their practice that will generate real results for their clients. Any- one who makes a living in the coaching arena will benefit from Dr. Maisel’s tremendous experience and training as a therapist, coach, and human. I’m so glad to have this book as a guide for my own coaching work and will recommend it to many others in the helping professions.”— Jacob Nordby, author of The Creative Cure: How Finding and Freeing Your Inner Artist Can Heal Your Life
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Read Part One Here: The Coach’s Way: User’s Guide to Coaching
Read Part Two Here: Can You Tolerate the Truth?
Read Part Three Here: Can I Collaborate?
Read Part Four Here: Picking a Kind of Helper
Read Part Five Here: Picking Your Coach
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This Post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock
