The Brutally Honest Reasons Why So Many Men Are Still Single

Right off the bat, let me say not everyone wants to be in a relationship. I knew a guy who ended up worse after being engaged to a woman he thought he’d spend the sunset of his life with.

To be clear, the relationship ruined him. Not the breakup. With her, he abandoned everything that mattered to him by the sidewalk. She was all he wanted, so he developed a severe dependency on her. If you haven’t already deciphered, this was a recipe for disaster, and it wasn’t long before everything came crumbling down to dust.

Fast forward to years later, long after the relationship was nothing but a memory in his rear-view mirror, James is happier than he’s ever been. Single. Content. Whole.

So yes, some folks are cut out for singlehood. They thrive better that way.

But that’s them.

Most men, though?

Want someone to hold. That’s judging by the confessions of my guy friends. They tell me they desire a partner as they rock the chairs and watch the sun go to sleep in the sunset of their days. And yet, they can’t seem to find that special someone.

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Do you really want to know why you’re still single after all these years?

Your mentality.

That’s the biggest, most legit reason. You’ve told yourself that women are hard work. And yes, we are, but not all of us. I know a few good women out there who would die to meet someone like you.

Do you know what happens when your mentality creates this narrative? You don’t try. You can’t be bothered to do the things you need to do to meet someone. Because yes, good women don’t fall from the skies.

Mingling with people aint easy. Small talk is boring and downright stifling. You always feel like you can’t breathe. Right? I mean, who has time for that?

But the truth is, you’ve got to get out and mix with other people if you want to stop being single. You won’t meet someone if you reject all invitations to go out. Yes, soccer may not be your thing, but you never know who you’ll encounter. People have met their partners in the most random places.

You just never know, but you need to be open to what God directs your way.

My husband met me on a plane where I worked. I’m talking 37000 feet right in the middle of the Indian Ocean. Doing nothing but what I needed to do to put food on the table, and just like that, the paths of destiny aligned, and here we are. Seven years and counting. It really doesn’t get crazier than that.

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You have to be open to anything, is what I’m saying.

If your default response is “no” when people invite you out or ask you to join them in things you’d normally not do, then we’ve got a problem. Be open.

Go to your local supermarket and scan the notice board. You’ll notice tons of activities that might be potential hatching nests.

Are cooking classes boring? You bet. But give it a go anyway.

Go to the most boring thing ever — bird watching (I can’t think of anything more boring).

Go to those photography, arts, and Zumba classes — even when you want to run the other way.

Eyes on the price, people. Eyes on the price.

The upside? Even if you end up not running into someone you’re compatible with, you’ll get a chance to do something new. I’ve found that every time I dipped my feet in unfamiliar waters, I ended up having so much fun. Try it.

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You’re not what a real woman wants. 🙁
The truth?

Anyone can score with a woman. You can strut right outta the Amazon, and if you do and say the right things? Go home with a woman straddled on your arm.

But I know you. I know that type of woman won’t cut it for you. You want something more. You want a real woman — a mature human being who knows and is prepared to give what’s needed in a relationship. Tell me I’m lying.

But guess what? That woman wants nothing to do with you. Why?

You’re questionable because you’re an emotional wreck.

You’re lazy, which means you’re broke.

You’re depressed, which means you’re an alcoholic.

You’re an alcoholic, which means you’re depressed.

You lack ambition which means you have no goals.

You’re not your own person, which means you’re controlling, jealous, and dependent.

You’re fat, which means you’re unhealthy.

You’re ugly (Very much fixable, believe me), and you stink — (this has gotta be the worst)

I could write a whole book on how to fix all of this. But that’s gonna have to wait. I merely wish to show you where the real issues are.

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And the truth is, there are many ways to fix all the above.

If I were a man riddled with any of the above, I’d speak to someone capable of helping me iron out my rough edges. I’d join a motivational group, and I’d start holding myself to a higher standard.

If laziness had bogged me down, I’d read a book to help me free myself from those shackles—atomic habits, for instance.

If I were fat, I’d get up and walk every. Single. Morning. Without fail.

If I were ugly, I’d get a haircut, trim my nails, buy form-fitting decent clothes, and buy a moisturizer.

Trust me when I say that most problems are fixable.

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You just have to decide.

Stop saying there are no good single women left. I can tell you with certainty that there are women out there looking to meet someone. You just have to be the someone they’re looking for.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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