Before we even start, this is not one of those aggressive articles where I teach men to tap into an agro state of mind to “promote self-improvement.”
We are transitioning to this weird time where men are learning domination tactics to have power in a relationship.
I want to promote growth for you and your partner.
People hear leadership, and they think about hierarchy.
Sure, in a political or military sense, that is correct.
They need to remember to think about what leadership entails.
Leadership is about capability; someone good combines skills and knowledge to be a trustworthy person of influence.
Men need to develop the skill and pair it with knowledge. Yes, that is a repeat of what I said, but some men are hyper-focused on becoming a person of influence.
Like any result you want, when you focus on the outcome or the mountain top instead of the hike, you have a high chance of failing.
Your relationship needs structure, and it is up to both parties to execute the mission.
More importantly, it is up to someone leading the relationship in the right direction.
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He takes the shot, and…
When you are pursuing a relationship or already in one, something remains standard in both dynamics: when you are dating a woman, she wants to know what the future looks like as soon as possible.
Avoid confusing that for a woman looking to take advantage of you.
A woman wants to know what your sense of direction is and what the future holds.
It is why being an ambitious man who completes his goals is attractive to a woman.
You should know your sense of direction and goals, but most importantly, have a road map for accomplishing your task list.
There are two types of men: big talkers with no visible results and guys who show their worth.
Setting goals does have to have a time frame. For example, a big talker is the type who provides a vision with no structure for accomplishing goals. He wants things. A man who shows worth creates a detailed plan with targets and can be held accountable for his misses.
Man, A wants a house. Man B knows it will take two years to clear the couple’s debts and secure a good home with a strong downpayment in a neighborhood with future value.
Women want a man who approaches the subtleties of their relationship the same way.
He should not be a man who wants a relationship.
He wants a connection where each person is expressive through communication that makes each partner feel secure in the dynamic and provides a space to build that.
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If you know your party’s extension
Building a secure relationship does not exist on day one for every couple. You create the structure over time.
It takes strong communication to build structure in a relationship, but I think men miss the mark on what that means when a woman requests it.
Men think women ask you to tap into emotional energy and think outside your frame.
A woman wants to hear that you can communicate your stances clearly and peacefully. She does not want to be talked at but talked with in conversation.
Do you ever wonder why women approach you and want an ear to talk to and a shoulder to lean on instead of someone providing a solution?
They want to know they are in a space of peace where they have a trustworthy outlet.
She wants to trust that what you say comes from a place of peace and stability. The quickest way to lose that trust is to have an outburst or talk at her. Your words will have the view of demanding and controlling.
When she knows your stances come from a place of peace with good morals backing them, she will not question you, and you two will avoid that back-and-forth power struggle.
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Example number one
There is a reason there are phrases that sound cliche. They have survived the test of time and remain true over centuries through every generation.
No relationship exists on this earth that does not follow two guidelines:
- Be a man of your word
- Be the example you want to see
The quickest way to lose trust and influence is by lying or not doing what you said you would.
Think about this from a biological sense. A woman has to find security and comfort. It is in their nature as a survival tactic.
A man who can not provide security and comfort is weak in their eyes. Again, it makes sense.
To become a man of your word is pretty simple. Learn what you are truly capable of and use that as your roadmap for the future.
Do not project something you know is an area of growth opportunity.
A man who says he needs to work on a negative trait or behavior and shows progress is much more attractive than a man who projects the strength of a positive behavior but is playing catch up.
Saying you will complete a task and not follow through is as good as lying to a woman, but embracing your mistakes and showing change is irresistible.
Do you see how the task is the same, but the action is different? Women notice that.
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Fellas, it is time to step up, but not in this self-righteous, domineering way some channels teach you.
I’m going to keep it real with you. Some of you need to tighten up.
It’s not that hard. Let’s get it.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Cody Black on Unsplash
