Lacking One of These Could End Your Relationship

627,000,000 in .63 seconds, that is the number of times the word “intimacy” has been searched in a day, according to Google. Looks like we are all searching for the magic. Based on standard definitions, intimacy is the feeling of closeness and interconnectedness with another person. The truth is intimacy is often seen as “sexual” in nature—the act of being intimate with another human. But for anyone who has been in a monogamous relationship or friendship, intimacy is more than sex.

Let’s Talk About Sex

Of course, we will start here. SEX is one of the most common searches on anyone’s laptop. We can relate sex and intimacy together because sex is physical. It is like riding a wave in the ocean. It comes with big feelings of highs and lows. Physical intimacy requires vulnerability and trust in your partner. Yes anyone can have sex with another person, however physical intimacy is creating a closeness with another person who you wouldn’t normally have interactions with. So when you are in a relationship physical intimacy is important to maintain. It will come and go but it is up to both parties to keep it flowing. So cuddle, hold hands, kiss, and have sex often.

Intellectual Conversations

Again relationships are not just about physical intimacy, although that is a very wonderful perk. At its finest, intellectual intimacy falls close in line. Have you ever heard the saying, “Well it did start off with cheating, we were friends first”? Those two people formed a connection through intellectual intimacy. This happens when two people can debate their differences and still feel they are being seen and heard bringing them closer. Knowing that your differences of opinion are validated is quite attractive. Thought-provoking conversations without feeling attacked stimulate the mind, and that is the safest place two humans can feel their closest. So debate and go deep, especially if you have been together for a few years no one stays the same from day one. There is bound to be new information to learn about one another.

Emotional Safety

Sometimes emotional intimacy can come into play before intellectual intimacy but it really depends on the people. Either way, this one should be a no-brainer in keeping your relationship alive. Without emotional safety, you are just friends going out on dates and checking in to see if you had a good day at work. It is best defined, as the authentic sharing of thoughts and feelings, this is a safe space. Emotional intimacy does not always come sugar-coated, but it also doesn’t belittle or dehumanize the other for expressing their deepest fears. The next time you and your partner are alone, ask them what they want out of the relationship, and be prepared to hear what scares them and excites them.

Do It Together

Get your mind out of the gutter, we are not circling back to sex. Experiential intimacy is all about new experiences together. Okay, the truth is, this could be spicing up your sex life and trying new things but make sure you check in emotionally before. However, life can get really mundane when you have been with someone for a while. Getting out and doing things new together releases so many endorphins and brings excitement to the relationship. Experiences create a sense of closeness, something you two can remember together. So when you look back at a photo or smell something from that one time, you are instantly taken back to that moment you both can laugh about. If you just starting out it is easy to do this one, but it is not always easy to keep it up, so remember to not let experiential intimacy fall flat.

Watch the Sunset

Have you ever sat with your partner and watched the sun rise or set? There is something to say about sitting in silence next to someone who can appreciate and enjoy the simplicity of a moment. Spiritual intimacy can show up in many forms and does not always mean religion. This is a moment where two humans connect beyond logic and conscious thoughts. This may seem similar to experiential intimacy however, spiritual intimacy brings people together on a deep level of healing and understanding. So have conversations with your partner about what left them in an awe-state of inspiration. Go deep to understand each other’s ethical thoughts and moments of question. Having this type of intimacy can be difficult for some but remember this one does require less effort but more intention. Sometimes nature takes its course.

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Physical intimacy, intellectual intimacy, emotional intimacy, experiential intimacy, and spiritual intimacy are five different types of intimacy that affect your relationship. If you are stuck and feeling a sense of instability with your partner. Check on these five pillars. SEX is going to be number one on the list for most people, however being intimate with your partner must go beyond the physical. Physical intimacy fizzles just as fast as a soda left out in the Texas hot sun. There are other ways to keep the relationship alive. No one said it was going to be easy but knowing these 5 types of intimacy is a good start.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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