Love Didn’t Blind You — Familiarity Did

It doesn’t make sense to fall out of love with the one person you once couldn’t live without. It most certainly doesn’t make sense, especially to always look for someone else to blame when it does happen.

When the one who once blew your mind starts to look regular without the glitter of awesomeness there once was. And if it somehow just feels familiar, well, love hasn’t blinded you; familiarity did.

There has been a pattern ignored for far too long.

More often than not, most men and women in miserable marriages all follow the same roadmap unknowingly.

Some would say, ‘Maybe I am not destined to find true love.’ You could be right, or wrong? But it’s definitely not bad luck. You had a hand in it.

Now that I write, reflect, and think about this myself.

I see why!… don’t you?

Every story has its clause; each relationship feels unique. But patterns- moments, no matter how unique have nuances and underlying intricacies no one cares to investigate.

An issue few only review post-wedding drama.

I once dated what I married — Now why should I worry?

We all know that one celebrity who has always dated horrible men, or that one friend who has always been with women who do not see his value.

You dated three guys in a row who all “hate confrontation,” then everyone’s shocked (even your friends) when you married a man who shuts down every disagreement.

Now meagre issues linger for so long, and you spent 80% of your day pretending rather than enjoying being in love.

Since being married. My wife complained so much about me not planning dates. Of course, I love a good outing with the woman that makes my heart beat healthy, but I couldn’t care less about how it happened.

Reflecting on this measly but enormous misery and complaint. I realised she had once dated what she married.

While we dated, she was always the one organising everything, and always joked, saying, “Guess I’m the planner.” That was a warning in plain sight. A flag far too familiar and unknowingly attractive to her.

For some women or men, they are attracted to much more unpleasant or unbearable behaviours. Yet blame love for being blind.

Think back a little. You once dated who you married. You’ve plied the same road for a little while without realising it. Sometimes in different men.

• He changed after marriage often means: I hoped it would change.
• She changed during marriage often means: I will eventually convince her.

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But maybe this is genuinely unintentional for some people. Not everyone wants a bad boy every time, or a hot, disrespectful woman. It could be different for men and women.

Men must be wary, and women even more concerned

Some men have faced extreme suicidal temptations from heartbreaks, and women who are empty-souled because of constant misery in marriages.

This is a testament that men and women both get stuck in the same roadmap that leads to many unhappy days in marriages.

Getting stuck dating the same kind of retards. Like that one high school cheerleader A+ student who ended up with another high school douchebag.

Men and women are in it together. But men need only be wary of falling into such situations by simply avoiding commitments long enough. Unfortunately, women need to be even more concerned it is beyond just trying to get into another bad relationship.

As a woman, you must build a thick skin that disregards societal pressure, such as being married by any means at a certain age or making sure to always have a man fund your life.

Succumbing to such pressure would mean you always have a fickle heart and might one day be married to the kind of man you always dated.

• Watch how he treats you.
• Do not welcome emotional unavailability.
• Control is not exactly care; do not mix it up.

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What Must be Done

Being accountable is a good place to start: Sometimes a feat rather too steep for many people.

You must be accountable, and confirm that there is truly a pattern. It is not your fault. But you have consistently gravitated and been attracted to the same guy in different bodies.

Dating with your brain, not just your heart: While unconventional, it can read as you not truly being in love. It is actually the more effective ideology to follow.

I once dated women who only loved me because I was generous. I never recognised the pattern until I decided to break the cycle and met my wife. Then loved with my heart, but dated consciously with my brain.

Do not allow yourself to be swayed completely by love. You might just find yourself falling for the same kind of Jack once again.

Break the cycle today: Do not follow that same road that leads to miserable, unhappy marriages.

Do not be the man or woman who eventually marries an unpredictable partner because you grew up with unpredictable parents without consistent love.

Maybe we are not all destined to find true love!

But you will rarely marry a surprise. More often than not, you marry a pattern you refused to interrupt.

• Be wise, even in love. Love does not blind us nearly as much as familiarity does.
• Know that the best marriages are not built by those who find perfect people, but by those who recognise destructive patterns before saying, “I do.”
• Choose with your heart, but examine with your mind. The person you marry will shape thousands of ordinary days and nights.

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Make sure they are not simply another familiar mistake wearing a different face.

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