Seek The Moments
One Good Dad‘s Jason Greene Shares His Thoughts About Loneliness
In this final installment about the male loneliness epidemic, I had a virtual sit-down with Jason Greene, fellow father and writer. Ironically, Jason and I have never met in person, but we are connected via Instagram, and so we see small peeks into each other’s lives, his in New York, and mine in Southern California.
Our discussion about loneliness for men was eye-opening, and space opening, as in we opened a space in which to talk about this important issue. We hope you will find something useful, and pass it on.
Taylor Garcia: From your personal viewpoint, do you believe there is a male loneliness epidemic in our country? If so, what have you seen or heard from fellow men, or what have you yourself experienced?
Jason Greene: There is a loneliness epidemic hitting everyone, so yes, it’s hitting men as well. The thing is though with men, we stuff it down and hope it’ll fix itself. Or we wait for an invitation. We don’t want to instigate ways to get through it. To reach out and say, “hey, I need to get out and spend time with someone.” Also, men tend to fit in spending time with friends after everything else is accomplished. Or, in my case, after I’ve finished my duties, I want to kick back and relax. Making time with others isn’t a priority that I think about until I feel the loneliness kick in.
TG: How often do you feel lonely and why? What triggers a feeling of loneliness for you / other men?
JG: Oof, well, to be honest, I’m lonely a lot. I’m separated now and so I don’t get a lot of adult interaction. I love my kids and love to spend time with me, but I need to have a conversation with someone now and then who I’m not raising. I’m all for being vulnerable and open with my kids, but there’s a limit.
TG: Would you say loneliness, either for yourself or for other men, comes from a lack of connection with other people, or is it in our nature? Or is it more based on being comfortable / uncomfortable with ourselves?
JG: For some reason, it was easier to cure my loneliness when my kids were little. I met up with other dads with young kids and we talked about children and what we were going through. But as my kids got older, it was harder to get together. Honestly, I’m not sure why that is, but it happened. I see it with other dads of teens. Maybe it’s because we are older and have less energy. So, I think loneliness comes from a variety of things. Age is a big reason. We’re more tired. It’s also feeling a disconnect with those we used to spend time with. Time pulls people away and can make you more isolated.
TG: What have you done, or do you currently do, to combat, or embrace, loneliness?
JG: Something I’ve been doing lately is taking my camera out and about. On evenings that I have nothing going on, I take my camera around NYC. I’m a photographer and I head to music venues, bars, or museums. The camera is a conversation starter. If I’m at a bar, I’ll strike up a conversation with the bartender or other patrons.
It’s hard to combat loneliness for me though, because I have an unpredictable schedule. Many times I have spur-of-the-moment freedom and I’ll reach out to friends. Problem is, people my age need advanced notice to hang out. I don’t always have a calendar that allows me advanced notice.
TG: Building upon the previous question, what kind of advice might you give other men on how to deal with loneliness?
JG: You’ve got to be proactive and open with your friends. If you share that you’re struggling, friends will show up. Asking is hard. When I’m depressed and lonely, I have to be active. That means running or working out. It keeps me from sitting on the couch and being alone with intrusive thoughts. Advice in a nutshell; be active and seek out moments.
Thank you, Jason, for this collaboration. I agree with you on all fronts. This opportunity helped me understand that seeking those moments, real or virtual, help with combatting loneliness. Even though we’re on different coasts, we can still remain connected and make contact when the loneliness hits. Hoping readers out there will find similar ways to stay connected; it’s important for our health.
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This Post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: Jason Greene
