My mission in life is to get another denotation for Vulnerability into the dictionary or at least change the existing one. Why? Because, on a battlefield, vulnerability? No, thank you. Chosen to be when in conversation? Hands down the bravest thing anyone can be.
I coach people to help transform their lives as I did mine after suffering from severe anxiety bouts. Mastering vulnerability is the key to making that sweet escape happen. For years, I thought I was expressing how I was feeling but it turns out I wasn’t. I’d speak, say how I felt, full stop. But then, they’d be this big long stream of words after saying how I felt. Turns out that’s a clue towards possibly fearing losing control and/or being abandoned. I was scared I might upset whoever I was talking to (and then they might leave me) so I’d try and cushion the blow of my feelings. This, for those that aren’t aware, means one doesn’t fully let the energy of our E-motions move where it needs to. This, in essence, creates a ticking time bomb.
Exsqueeze me, baking powder? (Wayne’s World anyone?).
Yes, if we don’t learn to fully express how we feel the energy of our emotions builds up and up and up till, eventually, boom. As energy HAS to go somewhere it’s forced out — Hello anxiety! Hello, do not pass go, do not collect £200, feel like sh!t, like there’s a pressure burning just under your skin. Enter, spiralling negative self-talk and fearing basically everything for a period of time.
We can’t avoid anxiety, it’s a very important part of being human that helps keep us alive at certain points. However, A LOT of it can be mitigated by gaining the confidence (and language) to FULLY express how we feel. Seems simple enough. Well, yes, to say. Doing it involves a big hurdle and that is, you’ve guessed it, the feeling of vulnerability. If we can unlearn our learned behaviour towards the feeling of vulnerability and change it in our minds from fear to a signal for growth our lives transform. That’s what mastering vulnerability is about. Our vulnerability, when reprogrammed in our minds, really is the catalyst to our freedom.
The definition of Vulnerability on Dictionary.com is:
- openness or susceptibility to attack or harm
- willingness to show emotion or to allow one’s weaknesses to be seen or known; willingness to risk being emotionally hurt
If number two was rewritten as “The courageous act of showing emotion or to allow one’s complete humanness to be seen or known; bravery in risking being emotionally hurt.” I think, in time, the world would be a much kinder, more free to be our authentic selves, place. A place I’d be proud to call home.
Changing our language has a HUGE impact on our lives. Change your attitude to vulnerability in conversation to the one I wrote above and you watch what happens.
As always, thanks for reading
With gratitude,
Adam (Say “Hey” on IG @thevulnerabilityguy for more)
PRACTICE: Vulnerebelling (Rebelling through your vulnerability)
WHY: To live a life full of feeling truly seen, loved and connected.
HOW TO START: Pay attention to the moments you hold back for fear of what “they” might think or feel. It gets easier with practise but at that moment, take a breath and start counting to three and promise to yourself that before you get to three you’ll have started to, constructively, say how you feel e.g. “I feel…x” “Something has come up for me…” or simply, “Hey, good to meet you.” “I like your ”. Practise makes HUGE progress.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Adam Slawson is a Transformational Coach, CEO, Author, Facilitator and Speaker. He: has guided Lululemon’s team in Transformational Inner Leadership, hosts the “Vulnerability In The City” radio show, facilitates workshops at multiple festivals inc. Boomtown and is regularly published in “Change Becomes You” writing about dating, relationships and emotional well-being. He believes “Our vulnerability is the catalyst to our freedom” and founded Plight Club clothing (www.plightclub.co.uk) to encourage this conversation. With over 22 years of experience, he coaches those who’d like to master their vulnerability to overcome anxiety, transform their relationships and gain magnetic confidence to attract the life that was meant for them instead of accepting the one they’ve been given.
His mission is to redefine vulnerability till it’s seen as the courageous act it is. His talks and offerings help people learn the language of emotions.
For more tools on tips to become better at expressing your emotions download his free e-guide here and/or visit his website here.
BOOK A FREE DISCOVERY CALL HERE
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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