Moving on is never easy, even if you’re trying to get over an almost lover. The person who you loved and lost, but who was never actually yours. Even though you were in love with them, an actual commitment was never made. They were never really yours, but you feel an incredible void now that they’re gone. It may even be the biggest heartbreak of your life.
A number of scenarios can put you in this predicament. Maybe they were just never ready to be in a relationship. Perhaps they told you from day one. Or maybe you unknowingly ended up in a situationship. Maybe you thought that with time, their mind would change… but it never did.
No matter what the circumstances were, here’s how to get over someone you never actually dated.
Don’t get lost in the what-ifs.
When it comes to the relationship that almost was, it’s easy to get lost in the “what-ifs.” You might find yourself fantasizing about different scenarios of what should have or could have happened — and what still may happen.
The most dangerous what-ifs are, “What if they realize how much they miss me and want to make things work?” This thought may lead you to wait around, hoping their mind will change.
Letting go of all thoughts of a potential future or what could or should have happened in the past is the one of the first steps to getting over someone.
Know that your feelings are valid.
It can be confusing to move on when you never actually dated someone. You might feel stupid or like you don’t have the right to be sad about the almost-relationship ending. It’s important to remember that you have every right to be sad.
Just because you weren’t in an official relationship with them doesn’t mean you loved them any less than if you had been. There was clearly something there between you and the other person that led to these strong feelings. Despite there not being a title on the relationship, they meant a lot to you.
Avoid contacting them right now.
You won’t be able to move on from the one you’re trying to get over if you stay in contact. For many people, that means cutting off your almost ex forever.
Avoid contacting them completely. Don’t reach out first. If they contact you, make it clear that you’re trying to move on so it’s no longer appropriate for you to communicate. If they continue to contact you even after having a discussion about it, don’t respond to them.
If the person you’re trying to get over is a coworker, keep it strictly business going forward. Make it an effort to not discuss anything, or get together, outside of work.
Remember that you deserve better.
You deserve someone who wants to be with you just as much as you want to be with them. This person may have loved you, but for whatever reason, they weren’t capable of making a real commitment.
It can be easy to fall victim to their excuses for why they couldn’t make things official. But at the end of the day, you have to remind yourself of one thing:
If they wanted to, they would.
If this person wanted things to work with you, they would have made it happen. If they wanted to offer you the love and affection you deserve, they would have done so.
There’s someone else out there who will be able to give you all the things you need and want — and then some. Every moment you waste on the one who wouldn’t give you a real relationship is a wasted moment towards finding the person who is deserving of your love.
The Bottom Line
Moving on is never easy, even if you never actually dated. It’s important to give yourself time and allow yourself to feel all the things so that you can let go of this person and move on to someone who deserves all the love you have to offer.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Brooke Cagle on Unsplash
