Sam Vaknin is the author of Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited as well as many other books and ebooks about topics in psychology, relationships, philosophy, economics, international affairs, and award-winning short fiction. He is former Visiting Professor of Psychology, Southern Federal University, Rostov-on-Don, Russia and on the faculty of CIAPS (Commonwealth Institute for Advanced and Professional Studies). He is a columnist in Brussels Morning, was the Editor-in-Chief of Global Politician, and served as a columnist for Central Europe Review, PopMatters, eBookWeb, and Bellaonline, and as a United Press International (UPI) Senior Business Correspondent. He was the editor of mental health and Central East Europe categories in The Open Directory and Suite101. His YouTube channels garnered 80,000,000 views and 405,000 subscribers. Visit Sam’s Web site: http://www.narcissistic-
Scott Douglas Jacobsen: [Ed. Title credit to Dr. Vaknin.] Sam, you are older than me. Old women and some old men were the majority of friends throughout life for me. So, you are in good company! You have more time in life, more experience given the time. What seems like the single most important thread of perspective to consider, to keep in mind, throughout life – without regard for stage of life?
Dr. Sam Vaknin: Death. Realizing and accepting that your existence here is so transient that it might well be illusory. That, in retrospect, it is all a laughable sham, a desperate attempt to imbue with self-conjured meaning that which is utterly random. It is becalming to grasp all this: an all-permeating relief.
Jacobsen: You were a prodigy. So, your experience would be abnormal growing up and onward. How did this inform early life for you?
Vaknin: A profound sense of isolation. The need to be utterly self-sufficient in order to survive. The realization that life is the sum total of losses and that personal growth is nothing but the evasion of privation, driven by panic.
Jacobsen: You were abused as a child. For those unfortunate enough to have had this hand of cards given to them, what advice would you have for them?
Vaknin: The abuse had nothing to do with you. There is nowt you could have done. You have been victimized, but you are not a victim. Hurting others will not make you feel better about yourself.
Jacobsen: What were the central lessons from your 20s and 30s?
Vaknin: They were all the wrong lessons: avoid any meaningful connection with others, sex included; focus on personal development to the exclusion of all else; seek riches and power. Do nothing aimless. Be fearless.
Jacobsen: What were the central lessons from your 40s and 50s?
Vaknin: There is nothing to life but meaningful connections with others, even though I could never attain them. Personal development is self-help hype, not a strategy. Riches and power are transitory and delusional. Aimlessness is good for inspiration and innovation. Fearlessness is socially frowned upon and leads to prison.
Jacobsen: When did you notice physicality begin to decline sufficiently to become unignorable?
Vaknin: My body started to degenerate in my 40s and my mind only very recently, this past year or so. I am in cognitive decline.
Jacobsen: For most people who have a lot to a modicum of mental acuity, when do you notice mental capabilities begin to take a sharp decline or, if not a decline then, show holes in thought?
Vaknin: Cognitive decline is an inexorable and universal process that commences as early as age 18. But it becomes noticeable in one’s 40s and is pronounced by one’s 60s. But some people have a high cognitive reserve, so their depletion is way less noticeable.
Jacobsen: How should these physical and mental timelines inform planning out one’s life and things to do in it?
Vaknin: Do your productive work early on. Postpone forming a family, travelling, and other non-cerebral activities until your late 30s, at the earliest.
Jacobsen: What do you consider the more important tips of work, jobs, careers, education, and travel throughout life?
Vaknin: Do not compromise in your career. Better be unemployed and indigent than in a job you hate. Do not rush into things: ambition is a form of social control. Do not cater to other people’s needs or expectations. Do not fear missing out: everything you truly need you already possess, what you have already witnessed is all there is to see.
Jacobsen: What do you look forward to now, in your 60s?
Vaknin: Death. I perceive it as the ultimate, interminable respite. At some point, life becomes a repetitive burden.
Jacobsen: Thank you for the opportunity and your time, Sam.
Vaknin: I much prefer your questions to my answers. Thank you.
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Photo credit: Sam Vaknin.
How utterly depressing. What a sham. I would bet he fears death more than most people and craves connections he’s never been able to make because he’s probably on the spectrum or a narcissist himself. What a depressing outlook on life.