A week ago, I wrote a story discussing the discourse surrounding the ‘man or bear’ hypothetical. It’s basically a thought experiment in which women are asked if they were stuck alone in the woods, would they rather be confronted with a man or a bear?
Surprisingly, most women chose the bear, much to the confusion of men, including myself.
Logically, I couldn’t understand why women would forgo an encounter with a man who might end up being more helpful than an unpredictable, dangerous wild animal.
But I was looking at it entirely the wrong way.
After some rumination, I have realized that the hypothetical is not meant to be taken literally. Of course, if women were to really be placed in the woods alone, I doubt many would choose to be stuck with a real, fully-grown adult bear. However, the point is not to compare the strength of a man against that of a bear and how women would fare should a physical alternation ensue.
Instead, man or bear is a broad rhetoric device that simplifies the fear of gender violence against women into an easily digestible scenario.
Yes, statistically violent men are in the minority; still, that doesn’t stop women from being wary about the threat of physical predation when out and about. I feel this is something we as men have a hard time grasping. There’s definitely some cognitive bias going on here — it’s hard to relate to someone’s lived experience, especially when it differs significantly from our own. I know that safety is not something I give a second thought, not unless I’m passing through a neighborhood explicitly known for being dangerous. For women, it’s just not like this.
Even if a woman grows up without experiencing a single incident of physical violence from a man, she will, without doubt, know a friend or family member who has. She will constantly be told not to dress too provocatively, walk alone late at night, or never leave her drink unattended at a bar; all this leads to a heightened sense of caution around unfamiliar men. Never mind the fact most women, if not all women have experienced men making unwanted sexual advances at work, getting mad for being rejected, catcalling on the streets, and so forth.
So when women choose the bear, they are not doing so because they think every single adult male is bad — they choose the bear because, unlike men, you never hear about it sexually victimizing women, and you barely ever hear about it maiming or killing anyone.
However, just because most women choose the bear doesn’t mean men should stop interacting or pursuing women. Remember, the very same women choosing the bear still date, marry, and have sex with men. Think of the hypothetical as an empathy exercise, a mental stretch to help men think about why women view the world differently.
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In closing
The author of the hypothetical put the whole empathy thing so succinctly. He said:
My challenge to any man who picks the man in this scenario is, can you get yourself to a place where you would rather pick the bear? Can you get yourself to that level of understanding? Because if you can bring yourself to understand why they chose the bear, congratulations, you have experienced 1% of what they experience every day of their lives. — callmebkbk
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Brett Sayles on Pexels
“Instead, man or bear is a broad rhetoric device that simplifies the fear of gender violence against women into an easily digestible scenario.” Yes. But truthfully, you didn’t see that before? You didn’t pick up on the blatantly obvious and clumsy metaphor until now? People have been doing cute rhetorical stuff like that for a long time now, thinking it’s more clever and more subtle than it is by half. Now, if people wish to trash or to fear or to justify a fear of men because of gender, then that is their prerogative. But one is obligated to cite… Read more »