There’s a Reason I Call Myself a Divorce Unicorn

“You’re not like the rest of us,” says my friend. “We want to meet a nice guy, and we want to get married again.”

“There’s a reason I don’t,” I say.

“I talk about how hard it was to divorce my husband,” I say. “It was five brutal years, and a sixth year in contempt. But there were the years before that. It took me a year and a half to get him out of the house for a separation. He manipulated his way back a year later by threatening to not send our son to college. Finally, a year later I divorced him.”

“I get it,” she says.

“I spent 10 years trying to get away from my husband,” I say. “It wasn’t the divorce. People break up. It happens. I couldn’t escape a controlling man. I don’t want to attach myself to someone again.”

I know there are others out there like me.

I just don’t know many of them.

A lot of the women want to get married again.

I get it. I want to find love again. I just don’t think I’ll change my mind about remarrying. I understand why many men and women want to remarry.

It’s not just about love.

It’s not just about companionship.

Some people don’t want to be alone.

I don’t worry about that. I always attribute it to being more independent because I was raised by a single mother. She wasn’t lonely. She had an extremely full life. She was happy.

Not to mention, it was far lonelier being married to my husband.

I don’t feel lonely anymore.

Some people worry about security.

I should probably want to remarry for that reason.

My husband left me with no savings, and retirement. I’m continually stressed about money. I’m rent heavy because he ruined our credit to make it look like our business was losing money. No private individual would rent to me.

I eventually found my apartment because my son was living with me, and he offset my credit score. They also allowed me to have my two big Labradors.

I understand why men, and women want some, or all of those things. I have friends who have remarried wonderful people. They’re happy. I think I just have a little trust, and trauma issues.

I always say everyone wants something different in divorce.

The way we decide to recover, and date is different. Some retreat, and some are all in. Some are looking for sex, some are looking for relationships, and some are done.

Some are in a hurry to find a man.

A lot want to get remarried.

I’m just not one of them.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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