The first thing I need to say is that a woman’s value is not something she can tell a man but rather it is something that a man has to determine on his own without her interference.
And the way men determine a woman’s value and a woman’s worth is not through logic, a man has to feel and sense a woman’s worth.
Any one of you ladies listening who’s ever tried to convince a man of your value by telling him your worth, knows that not only it doesn’t work, but it makes a man see you even less worthy than you are and devalues you even more in his eyes.
So in this article, I’m going to share with you nine ways to demonstrate your worth to a man without saying a word.
Let me first clarify that showing your worth to a man alone will not make him interested in you. There are other things that come into play for a man to be interested in you. So by showing a man your worth, you will not turn a man who is not interested in you in the first place into someone who is, you will however gain his respect and you will keep your dignity.
But if a man is interested in you, he will be dying to be with you because you will absolutely stand out from the crowd of so many women out there who unfortunately don’t know how to convey their worth the right way.
Because this happens quite a lot. A man could be very interested in a woman based on what he sees on the outside, only to be turned off by her lack of sense of worthiness. And a sense of worthiness, that interest man in this particular context is not a general sense of worthiness.
For example, if one has doubts about her ability to achieve financial success, they may pick up on that, but it will not make her less appealing or less interesting. Men are attuned to a woman’s sense of worthiness as it relates to how she feels about her deservingness to have a quality man in her life.
Now let’s talk about the ways to show your worth to a man.
1. Know your value
The first thing you need to start with if you want to show your value to a man is to make sure you know your value before you even go and put yourself out there.
Do you really know what your worth is?
In my experience, many women think they know their worth until they face rejection or negative feedback on whatever standards and boundaries and fragile sense of worthiness they may have had suddenly disappear because they did not really know their value.
When you really know your worth. It is unshakable. You don’t never ever doubt yourself. It is engraved in your heart and compared to the mass collective. There are very few people who can truly and truthfully say they know their worth. And it’s not the people who shout the loudest. It’s not the people who tell you they have high self-esteem.
So if you don’t know how strong your own sense of worthiness is. There are a few ways you can find out how you truly feel about yourself.
The first way is to reflect on past behavior and see if you have one of the following. If you put up with a lot of BS, if you accepted a lot of poor behavior, if you chose to stay in toxic relationships where you were treated badly.
These are big signs that you don’t know your worth. And say even if you have overcome this and you raise your awareness to be more alert to toxicity and you meet someone new that you really like and you are again attempted to put up with BS.
It means you still haven’t gotten the lesson fully and you still don’t have a high degree of conviction about your worth.
But if you are angry at someone who don’t treat you the way you think you deserve. I came across many women who thought that they’ve worked on themselves and that they realize their value and that they were never going to accept less than what they deserve, but then showed a lot of anger when some men did not treat them accordingly.
And so I’m telling you, if there is still anger inside of you about how old you are, and how men project that onto you, you still don’t truly know your worth because one of the major indicators of knowing your worth is not reacting and becoming stoic about anything that contradicts your new belief about your worth.
Women who truly know their worth are never triggered by some men not recognizing their worth. They acknowledge that it’s just a fact of life that some men may not see them as worthy but that there are others who absolutely will.
The second way you can find out about how you feel about yourself is to sit down in a quiet room and ask yourself that question, what is my worth?
And as you are asking the question, try to connect with your body. Observe what is happening inside of you to connect with the feelings that arise when you ask a question. If you notice discomfort, then that’s an indication that you need to do more inner work to raise your self-esteem.
If you notice pain or anger, it means you may have some wounds and traumas that you haven’t healed from.
Ladies I can not stress it enough, know your worth before you even think of going out there and dating men. You can put on the most expensive clothes, you can walk as confidently as you think. If you don’t have an unshakable sense of self-worth. Men will pick up on that and you can do whatever else you want. It won’t change that first impression they will have about you.
2. Look like you take yourself and your worth seriously
If you want other people to see you as worthy, you need to show them that you treat yourself as someone who thinks of themselves as worthy, worthy of respect worthy of love, worthy of appreciation, worthy of the best things in life.
So do you look like someone who loves themselves?
Do you look like someone who appreciates themselves and who gives the best of themselves?
Do you look like someone who has self-respect or who has compassion for themselves?
Law number 34 in the 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene, states that you need to act like a king to be treated like one which means that oftentimes the way you carry yourself and you present yourself to the world will determine the way people will treat you because people always respond to your own energy.
If you act like you’re great and you are destined to greatness, this belief radiates outwards from you and in fact men around you who think there must be good reasons why you are so confident about yourself.
In the same way men can tell that you’re not valuing yourself even though you expect them to value you by looking at the way you treat yourself by the way you dress and the kind of food you eat, if you spend money on yourself and the way you allow others including them to treat you, etc.
You must embody self-worth in order for men to see you as worthy. You must give these worthy things to yourself first so that other people and men in particular are inspired to give them to you.
For example, if you expect a man to buy you nice gifts, you must buy nice things to yourself first, of course within your budget, but your intention should be that you’re always treating yourself to the best things that you can afford.
And if you expect to be wined and dined, you must at least feed yourself good quality food and show that you care about what you put in your body. Furthermore, you should try and manage to take yourself out to these nice places so that you get accustomed to what these experiences look like.
For example, you can take yourself out for lunch to a nice place that is usually cheaper than dinner, and more appropriate for a woman who is alone.
3. You must not give easy access to you, and you must show that access to you is to be earned
The simplest way to show that is through the way you dress, you can dress elegant and even a bit sexy, but you never dress in ways that shows too much of you and suggest that you have no issues giving a part of yourself for free for everyone to see.
Also, you should never say yes easily and too early to certain things. For example, don’t hang out at a man’s place on a first date or even the first few dates. Obviously not allow sex to happen too early. And in my books, at least wait a month or 2 and even 3 if you have doubts.
You should not sext or send nudes to anyone ever because that’s also giving access to your intimacy. You should never invite a men to your own place until you are officially in a relationship. Before that you only meet men in public places.
And even when you are in a relationship, access to your own place should be limited or at least less than going to his own place.
Access to you and your energy should be expensive and should require and be reserved to men who actually invested in you and put in the efforts.
4. Don’t tell them your boundaries, show them
For boundaries and standards to be taken seriously, they should not be verbalized. So you do not tell your boundaries to men.
You don’t tell them things like oh if you do this again or you do that I will do this or I deserve better than this or whatever. First of all, most boundaries are very conventional amongst us.
There are very few boundaries that are very personal and unique to each individual. Their real need tells them or discipline. They pretty much know what conventional boundaries are. Then your energy should tell them that you are the sort of person who feels very strongly about her boundaries, and makes no excuses for no one.
That should already be dissuasive for men to attempt to cross your boundaries.
That being said you must always stay alert to signs of boundary crossing because men like to test women and they will attempt things just to see if it can work.
And if they can get away with it. They know they can always back off as if nothing happened because that strategy works with many other women out there.
But you should show them something different. You will enforce your boundary by removing yourself and your presence and leaving them doubt and if they will ever regain you back.
Don’t demand excuses, don’t explain to them that what they did is wrong. You don’t negotiate with them. You just walk away and you show them that you do not tolerate it by refusing them your presence.
What happens next depends on the man. If he’s truly into you, he will come back begging for a second chance and this time he will not mess around because he will know that you are to be taken seriously. Only then you can offer an explanation as to what kind of boundary he did not respect.
5. Always be ready to walk away
The way to show your worth to a man is with the energy of being ready to walk away anytime.
And that’s a similar point to the previous one except it’s more general, meaning you should always be ready to walk away for all sorts of reasons, not just for boundary crossing.
A woman who is not ready to walk away is not a high-value woman because she is a woman who compromises herself in order to stay in a relationship. There are all sorts of reasons why a woman must walk away from a relationship.
Maybe the guy is abusive, a liar, has some sort of mental disorder, cheats or maybe he started giving her signals.
Whatever the reason, walking away is the only high-value way when you know that to stay in this relationship, you must compromise yourself or lose yourself respect.
What I am also saying is you must know in advance that you are not entering a relationship and unconditionally.
You must walk into a new relationship with the mindset of being ready to walk away regardless of how much you like a man.
When you are well settled in a relationship you may not always think of walking away as soon as you are unhappy with something because then you won’t be able to build any meaningful relationship.
But you still always must have it at the back of your mind that it’s a possibility.
The majority of strong marriages are very conditional, but it’s very subtle, underlying conditionality that makes them strong because it keeps both parties but I guess especially men on track.
In general, men need to get from you the vibe that you’re not going to be there for them no matter what and under all circumstances. I know that majority of us grew up with the opposite relationship that if you show a man that you’re always going to be there for him that you’re going to give him your undying loyalty, he will love you more. But that’s the big fantasy and a big lie.
6. Show that you are focused on actions, not words
You should know that in this day and age words are the cheapest thing a man can give you and everything has actions so far.
When a man has nice words to you, you can respond by saying, well, how can you show that to me? Or how can I believe you? Or how do I know this is true?
Men know that there are two types of women out there. Some women are easily influenced and manipulated with nice words. And there are other women the high value ones who understand that words are worth absolutely nothing and are watching the man’s action instead.
So when men encounter a woman who makes that clear to them that she is waiting for the actions they know they are dealing with a high value woman. By the way a high value woman never demands anything from a man. So it’s really not about demanding because demanding comes from a place of frustration and lack. High value women are just watching actions.
If the actions are not there or if they are not lined up with the words, they just walk away.
7. Have a healthy degree of skepticism
Ladies naivity is not a high value trait. Showing a bit of skepticism tells a lot about your high worth.
There is so much BS and so many con artists out there, so many liars and scammers that a person who values themselves can only navigate the world with a healthy level of skepticism in order to be able to use discernment and filter out the BS.
A healthy degree of skepticism means you are not naive but you’re not negative. It means you know when you can put your guards down because there is no reason to be skeptical.
It means skepticism is not a compulsive thing. And it’s not some sort of psychological disorder that you have. For example, you should not be skeptical at all times. But when you hear something that is too good to be true or something that sounds you know from a fantasy world or something a bit strange. You have a right to be skeptical and challenge a man about it in his face.
Now, you can stop right there by just challenging him or you can go as far as politely asking him to show proof of what he’s saying when you have doubt.
By showing skepticism you’re telling a man you’re not easily manipulated, that you use discernment and you rely on your critical thinking and you don’t believe everything without taking it through scrutiny.
You’re also showing your character by not being afraid to show negative emotions or have difficult conversations, risking potentially offending people in the name of getting to the truth. So use skepticism, but in a healthy moderate way.
8. You must be willing to say No while risking losing the man
If you are a worthy person you’re going to have to say no to a lot of things.
You’re going to say no to proposals such as early sex or sexting or sending nudes cooking, cleaning without being his wife and so many other things that you feel a man would not ask if he respected you and was serious about you.
Over the years. I noticed that for some naturally assertive women, not being able to say no is only an issue when that woman likes the man. Women who don’t really like the man they are dealing with have it much easier to say no.
And I’ve seen it over and over again that women will break the rules for a man they like thinking that he might be the one and thinking that this is their chance to finally be happy. But nothing could be further from the truth.
Those men who asked you for things that they should not be asking are only asking you because they are not afraid to lose you. Therefore they don’t really take you as seriously as you may take them and their intentions towards you are not what they seem.
So you breaking some rules thinking that this is how you can win their hearts is really selling yourself short for a man and it’s totally not worth it.
So never accept to do anything you know you should not accept even if it comes from a man that you are really interested in, and that you perceive as a chance of a lifetime.
9. You never ever chase a man
This is the ultimate test of your true worthiness as a woman.
You can show whatever value and worthiness that you are able to show and you can embody all the previous qualities. But if a man withdraws or pulls back a little bit, and your reaction is to chase him, not even chasing maybe just going forward towards him, your worth drops immediately because a truly worthy person does not react to someone pulling away by chasing them.
A worthy woman does not make excuses for a man who does not come up with extravagant explanations to justify the pulling away.
A woman who values herself is not afraid to look at the facts in the most unbiased way and conclude that the man pulling away is likely not interested.
And such woman holds her value and her worth much higher than her desire for another human being. It is her worthiness which gives her the strength and courage to move on despite being interested in the person.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Brooke Cagle on Unsplash
