I think you as a clinical midwife have one of the most beautiful jobs in the world. Your walls are plastered with birth announcement cards, each one a testament to the lives you help bring into this world. Today feels special, and I’m sure it will be, but not for the reasons I expect.
My wonderful wife got pregnant with our first child during COVID-19. With government-mandated restrictions, attending a screening or ultrasound was a rare privilege. Today, I finally get to hear our child’s heartbeat.
The NIPT-test
After we sit down, you start talking about the NIPT (noninvasive prenatal testing) test, which detects congenital abnormalities in the fetus’s DNA, looking for genetic conditions like Down syndrome.
“If you do the test, you must terminate the pregnancy if it has a disability.”
Unbelievable.
My jaw drops. I’m too shocked to react. Is she out of her mind? You’re talking to someone with a disability, and the only option you offer is termination?
That’s not just unethical — it’s pure ableism: devaluing or discriminating against people based on their physical, mental, or developmental disabilities.
I don’t know how, but you managed to make it even worse.
“If you want to do the NIPT test, we first need to do an ultrasound to make sure the baby is still alive. Otherwise, it’s a total waste of money.”
What was supposed to be a beautiful day just turned into a thunderstorm — one that I’ll remember for the rest of my life.
Even now, as I write this, my anger flares. It’s your role as a midwife to:
- Monitor both mother and baby.
- Offer advice and present options.
- Guide and support.
Your job isn’t to give a one-sided narrative and basically say to the person in front of you that he shouldn’t exist. To be clear my disability is purely physical, but never the less a disability.
If This Happens To You
I’m so sorry you’re facing this. You shouldn’t have to endure such treatment, but if you do, I hope you find the strength to take one (or more) of these steps:
- Speak to Others Involved: Reach out to other medical professionals involved in your pregnancy. They can support you or act on your behalf.
- Request Another Midwife: You deserve better care. Ask for a different midwife.
- File a Formal Complaint: Document your experience and file a complaint with the relevant authorities.
- Ensure Her Removal: Make sure this midwife is no longer involved in your pregnancy.
You deserve compassionate and respectful care throughout your journey to parenthood.
As for our clinical midwife; we were so flabbergasted that we couldn’t take action ourselves. Instead, we asked others involved in our care to address the situation for us.
On the day our son was born, the same midwife was in the hospital, but thankfully, she wasn’t present during our delivery. If she had been, I would have made sure she was not allowed in the room.
One thing is for sure: a big wall of cards doesn’t make you a empathetic midwife.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Heather Mount on Unsplash
