
I always say that toxic people’s worst punishment is their lives and who they eventually become.
I reached this conclusion after dealing with many toxic people in my life, writing a book about that, and hearing countless stories from readers telling me how, eventually, they see the toxic person for who they really are.
Heck, I even received messages from people you will regard as toxic telling me how their lives unfolded. And believe me, it’s not pretty.
This article is here to help you see this and realize it. It will help you remember who you are dealing with — an insecure person who is probably hurting themselves more than they’re hurting you.
I’m not saying you should excuse their behavior or even forgive them. I’m here to remind you of your power, which you may forget when dealing with such people.
Why narcissists?
Now, I hate writing articles about narcissists. People with actual Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) make up around 0.5% to 5% of people in the U.S. In other words, I don’t believe NPD is too common. Not to mention that there’s a tendency nowadays to call everyone we disagree with a narcissist.
That said, there are narcissistic traits that are common between emotionally immature people. This doesn’t have to mean that those people are narcissists. But they still possess some narcissistic tendencies that make them a pain in the neck!
From my experience, people with NPD or even people with narcissistic tendencies screw their lives in similar ways — the 5 ways we will discuss in this article. The more narcissistic they are, the greater the demise.
Remember, the last thing I want from people reading my articles is going out there calling everyone they hate a narcissist. Use this article to understand who you’re dealing with and to regain the power those people suck from you.
Let’s get into it. I covered each point using the fewest words possible to keep this the most informative short article you will ever read on this subject.
#1 They burn their bridges.
There’s a bridge between the best version of ourselves and the worst one. When we make mistakes and act stupidly, we cross this bridge towards the land of the worst version of ourselves. When we do good things, we’re staying in the land of the best version of ourselves.
As long as that bridge is there, we can always go back to the right path after we make mistakes. We won’t stay permanently or for too long in the land of the worst part of ourselves.
This bridge is like our ability to repent. Our ability to fix things after learning from our mistakes. It’s like our conscience. It sings when we cross this bridge towards the dark side and pushes us to cross it back.
The bad news is that this bridge can be destroyed. And it can only be destroyed once we’re on the dark side.
Toxic people, in general, and narcissists destroy this bridge.
They refuse to listen to their conscience. They ignore and weaken it until they can no longer hear (or be guided by) it. It becomes weaker. They can no longer recognize it. And it eventually stops talking to them. That’s when they destroy the bridge — the very thing that can redeem them.
#2 They betray themselves by doing this.
Toxic people’s worst punishment is their lives and who they eventually become.
To manipulate, lie to, and exploit others, they first have to manipulate, lie to, and exploit themselves. They become manipulators, lairs, and exploiters because they allow the worst version of themselves to take over. And that’s the ultimate betrayal.
We betray ourselves when we allow the worst parts of ourselves to win and take over.
This is not metaphorical. No. Practically speaking, our future selves will have a hard time because we’re not acting in their best interest by allowing those demons to win. It’s like a careless parent who had deliberately made terrible decisions that made their kids’ lives harder than necessary.
Narcissists betray themselves. They keep feeding the worst parts of themselves until they’re big and strong enough to swallow them. The same parts they use to hurt others right now will eventually come back on them tenfold!
This will get clearer as you read the following 3 points . . .
#3 They end up alone (even if they are surrounded by people).
Narcissists exploit people. They manipulate, lie to, cheat, scam, and exploit others. People are but objects to them. And they use these objects to get their narcissistic supply.
We don’t need to state the obvious. No healthy relationship can be sustained like this. People eventually get sick of being manipulated, used, disrespected, and hurt. They leave. If they don’t leave, the narcissist will leave because they will desire new, shiny objects to get their supply from after depleting this “resource.”
Pushing people away works.
As stated earlier, one cannot betray, manipulate, and exploit others without betraying, manipulating, and exploiting themselves first. Because of this, they lose their ability to trust themselves. They know they’re not to be trusted. And they project this idea onto others and become distrustful of everyone.
This leaves them with a deep sense of loneliness. Weirdly enough, loneliness and trust issues go hand in hand.
They’re afraid because they know that . . .
#4 They will pay for everything they did (in direct and indirect ways).
Rest assured, they won’t get away with it. In fact, they won’t get away with anything.
Who they become is probably their worst karma.
The thing about karma is that it hits them when they least expect it. However, don’t fall into the trap of silently waiting and hoping for their demise. This is fueled by resentment, and you’re better than that. Let’s talk about resentment and anger . . .
#5 Resentment, envy, and jealousy destroy them and consume their energy.
Being toxic is consuming. We tend to focus and spend energy on things we value and believe will benefit us. Narcissists and toxic people, in general, waste their energy on things that feed their toxic beliefs and values.
Toxic people care about things that are shame-based. For instance, they give too much weight to what people think of them. They want to be the center of attention.
Their whole self-esteem is based on people’s approval and admiration of them. They’re insecure and are trying to overcompensate for that in dysfunctional ways.
They try to manipulate others to get their needs met. They’re trying to keep up with the lies and not get busted. They’re analyzing their new victims and gauging how they can hack their psyche.
They’re annoyed by those who are doing better. Namely, they’re jealous of emotionally mature people. But in general, anyone who shines brighter than them is threatening because it reminds them of their dim light, cowardice, and shortcomings.
Not having stable relationships is also one of the things that consume them. They lack genuine human connection and are, therefore, deprived of a great source of energy.
It’s exhausting to live like this. And this is just one way their lives suck. Don’t be fooled by the show they’re putting on.
…
I hope this was helpful
If you enjoyed reading this, Get free 12 practical tips on how to:
- Deal with toxic people,
- develop emotional immunity against them,
- Let them go once and forever.
- Become their worst nightmare ever.
Also, check my books on Amazon.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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