Acceptance.
More specifically, sexual acceptance.
It all comes down to this one behavior.
Acceptance, in this case, means recognizing your partner as a sexual being with unique desires and experiences without judgment. It involves recognizing them as a sexually autonomous individual who can make their own decisions about sexual activities, preferences, and boundaries without coercion.
Why is sexual acceptance so powerful
To put it plainly, freedom.
Women (and, to a lesser degree, men) yearn to be free from their social programming. We are constantly told by society and, to a greater degree, religious institutions that uncontrolled sexual expression is wrong or immoral, leading to guilt, embarrassment, shame, and even self-imposed suppression.
However, these externally imposed restrictions do not diminish sexual urges. Women, just like men, experience the same sexual feelings, but they often feel the need to hold back and act like they don’t enjoy sex to conform to societal expectations.
As a result, it can feel liberating when women finally meet that one person who allows them to express their sexuality freely. Finally, they think to themselves, the mask can come off.
Gone will be the never-ending excuses or the unenthusiastic starfish sex, and in with the raw, hot, no-holds-barred lovemaking sessions.
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It starts with you
Sex starts in the mind.
It’s the primary driver of sexual desire and arousal.
A closed-off mind essentially places limits on sex — it does not matter how much of a stud you think you are in the bedroom or how handsome you think you are, if she is mentally closed, the sex can never be as good as it could be.
But for her to free her mind around you, you have to be free yourself. You cannot expect her to freely sexually express herself when you already have negative attitudes towards sex.
People are naturally attuned to recognize subtle biases by observing actions, language, or attitudes. It’s not something you can hide.
An example would be guys asking probing questions to ascertain the number of past sexual partners. Upon hearing this, most women’s spidey senses would immediately tingle. Even without expressing overt judgment, the implication would be as clear as day — a higher number indicates an undesirable relationship prospect.
The same goes for body shaming, displaying sexist or misogynist attitudes. All it does is show women that the guy in question is probably not fully comfortable with sex, so it’s best to keep the sexual side hidden lest they be judged for it.
The best way around this is to embrace your sexuality and your own needs. Get comfortable with yourself first; be honest with what you want. Remember, trying to be something you are not just to illicit a favorable result will not work. Practice self-acceptance, that way you can learn to be more accepting of others.
Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have. — Robert Holden
When people feel comfortable and safe in your presence, that’s when they can be sincere, both in and out of the bedroom. With authenticity comes unbridled passion and intimacy.
Be the type of person who can see her beauty in all her ways. It does not mean you have to accept anything and everything; you are allowed to have your boundaries. Even so, they should not come at the expense of her peace and well-being.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Sidharth Sabu on Unsplash
