This trend started some time ago. It’s said that to succeed in relationships, women should be like black cats, while men should be like golden retrievers.
But is it really just that?
Should all women act like aloof, independent cats to get men to chase after them?
Challenging the theory
If you pay attention to real-life couples or the internet, you will sooner or later realize that different men love different types of women.
Each man has a very specific type of woman they would consider their dream girl.
One type of woman can be considered one man’s dream girl while being simultaneously considered as another man’s turn-off.
Some men might love staying indoors with introverted women. While some might love to go on adventures with outgoing women. Some men might lose their minds over a diva. While some might find that homey woman with a sweater and yoga pants endearing.
Some men might love curvy women with big breasts, while some might love the opposite. If you search long enough, you’ll find over the internet men manifesting their peculiar interests when it comes to their dream girl type.
In real life, I’ve witnessed women who acted like golden retrievers — sunny, happy, affectionate and direct — being dearly loved and cherished.
Why acting like a black cat might still work
If you’re truly like a black cat, fully embodied in its nature, it might work as you come across a mysterious, confident woman who knows her worth and has strong boundaries.
You might attract many men who love this type of personality.
But if you have to fake it, out of the insecurity that your authentic self would not be loved, then you might attract men who are insecure and chase out of the need to be validated (anxious attachment style) or men who are actually in the thrill of chasing.
We often attract our reciprocals, so where our black cat persona comes from will show us what kind of men we are potentially attracting.
What we can take from this is that it’s not necessarily the black cat itself that is attractive. It is a woman who is confident, who knows her worth, and who sets appropriate boundaries that is attractive.
The power of your real feminine essence
Feminine essence is not about being a black cat.
Being feminine simply means being connected and authentic to your heart.
The reason why those golden retriever women I’ve met were so attractive to their partners is exactly because they were so authentic and connected to their hearts.
They can also be confident and have proper boundaries. Having a sunny, happy and affectionate personality doesn’t mean overgiving to anyone who wouldn’t appreciate us, nor having their lives revolving around men.
Attraction and relationships are topics that fascinate me, and I’ve been extensively studying these. I’ve read books such as “The Art Of Seduction”, “The Evolution Of Desire” and so on.
What I can tell is that even though we can fake a personality or appearance to appear as a man’s dream girl, the more our real self differs from this fake persona, the more burdensome maintaining this fake persona can be. And because it comes from a place of insecurity, we will attract insecure men who are subconsciously the reciprocal of our insecurity.
On the other hand, when we can feel confident in being who we are and yet develop healthy relationship dynamics, we will attract men who do see us as their dream girl type.
Personally, I’ve been doing the inner work to reconnect to my feminine essence and authentic heart in the past years.
I noticed how I often don’t attract just everyone, but rather specific men who find me fitting their dream girl type.
And in these relationships, I felt the most confident about being loved as I am rather than by how good I am at putting up a fake persona.
A bonus point, I found out how they actually fitted my dream guy type too. The more authentic we are, the more we attract each other as reciprocals.
Don’t get me wrong. Living authentically to your heart can be one of the hardest things. For me, it required lots of inner work in the past year.
But if you can’t love your authentic heart unwaveringly, how can you expect someone else to love it unwaveringly?
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Mónica Valverde is a daydreamer navigating the experience of human life. She’s in love with Spirituality, Inner Work and Relationships.
If you find this interesting, feel free to check out other related articles:
How to Have Boundaries that Really Works in Relationships
Behind Strong Attractions — The Magnetic Pull Between Us And Our Wound Counterparts
3 Steps on How to Be Detached in Relationships the Feminine Way
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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