I Don’t Want to Be a Burden

I’ve always been the one who says, “I’m fine,” even when I’m not. It’s easier that way, right? Easier than spilling my mess onto someone else’s life. There’s this constant whisper in my head, telling me I shouldn’t bother people with my struggles. Everyone has their own problems, and I don’t want to be the person who adds more to their plate.

I guess I’ve gotten pretty good at pretending, at carrying the weight alone. Smiling when I’m breaking inside. Laughing when I feel hollow. It’s not that I’m strong; it’s just that I don’t want to be a burden. I don’t want to be the person someone feels they have to help. I’d rather disappear into the background, unnoticed, than be a source of discomfort for anyone.

Sometimes, though, I wonder if people can see through it. If they notice the cracks in my smile, the way my voice wavers when I say, “It’s all good.” Maybe they do, maybe they don’t. Either way, I keep convincing myself it’s better this way. Better to keep it all tucked away inside than risk hearing, “It’s too much” from someone I care about.

I don’t want to be the reason someone feels exhausted or overwhelmed.

I don’t want to be the person who pulls them down when they’re already trying so hard to stay afloat themselves. So, I stay silent, and in my silence, the fear grows — fear that I’ll be left behind because I’m too much to handle. And It’s that very fear that keeps me from reaching out.

But deep down, I wish someone would notice without me having to say it.

I wish someone would through the brave face and tell me it’s okay to lean on them. That I’m not too much, that my struggles don’t make me a burden.

Because the truth is, I’m tired.

Tired of carrying this weight alone, tired of pretending I don’t need anyone. I know it’s not fair to push people away while secretly hoping they’ll still be there. I know I should speak up, but the words get stuck in my throat.

I don’t want to be a burden — but I also don’t want to keep pretending. I want to believe that I’m worthy of love and support, that I don’t always have to be strong one. Maybe one day, I’ll get there. Maybe one day, I’ll realize that leaning on someone doesn’t make me a burden — it makes me human.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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