Everyone is speaking about modern-day dating and relationships, and the result has turned into men and women bashing each other and creating unattainable standards of what everyone should look for.
There is little to no advice where people hold themselves solely accountable for where they can improve or words of wisdom that do not point the finger at the opposite group.
People are completely unaware that all the “help” they’re siphoning puts them in a worse position to enter the market and have success.
Don’t get me wrong. I have fallen victim to it. You go on YouTube, and because the channel has one million+ subscribers, it makes them “more credible,” but are they giving you advice that works in the market, regardless of where you live and your traits and characteristics? No.
Does that mean you’re a regular person? Absolutely! Let’s stop living in this alternate universe with these fake new rules and standards and get back to the basics of what real people are looking for.
There are universal rules you can follow that will steer you toward better outcomes and end the frustration of trying to fake it until you make it.
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…That is what is means to me
There is this new world logic that gaining respect from women is at the top of the list when dealing with them. That’s not too far from the truth or the top five objectives.
How you gain that respect from women or what they are looking for has become a fairytale vision that has little to do with what women have said.
I hear frustration from men in the dating market because they have “leveled up” — money, status, and occupation; they feel that it should instantly translate to garnering the respect of women in the market.
I have to break some news to you. You’re off.
Gaining respect from women is a skill and not a task you can mark off by completing some check box items.
Do women care about those items I listed above? Sure, I am not here to pander and be delusional.
What women care about more is your journey to those items and the traits, characteristics, and skills you picked up on the way.
Admiration and respect are two different things. The check box guy does not have both items.
Women respect consistency — they want to know they can expect consistent behaviors from you.
Women respect honor — when you say something, they don’t want to question their belief in your words.
Women respect boundaries — what are your morals, and how do you implement them?
I promise you, this is better than boring them with the finance bro stories.
Lock the key
I will beat the dead horse over and over until I feel that men are getting the grasp. Nothing in this world is more important than a woman feeling safe and comfortable.
Hold on.
You might think it is as simple as being the typical protector-provider male, but there is more to it.
Let me take you back on a quick personal growth story.
I used to be a terrible listener. I would always try to “provide the solution,” scale issues to put them into relative context to real-world problems, and sometimes, if I felt a topic wasn’t worth my time, I would check out.
Yes, women feel pretty damn safe when their physical safety is protected. They feel even more safe and comfortable when their mental safety is valued too.
Learning to listen is not the end of the second skill. Developing the ability to make women feel a sense of connection and trust through mental stimulation is the easiest way to move ahead of the game.
Your reaction to a woman communicating with you is nearly as important as her letting the words out of her mouth.
Don’t become a yes man, but women are looking for reassurance and stability and they don’t always get that from men.
PSI
Let me paint a picture for you quickly. You’re walking down the street, and I give you a briefcase with a million dollars in it out of the blue. You would be pretty happy, right? What if you turned the corner and got robbed? You would be instantly sad.
I might get killed in the comments over this one, but women live in a state of constantly desiring happiness, no matter how temporary it actually is. Get me in the comments if you have to.
The last skill to learn is how to continue to be engaged and present in your dating dynamic or relationships.
Keeping “the spark alive” translates to keeping happiness alive.
It is not enough to attain your partner. The real work starts after.
Men overdo it. You come in blazing hot and turn on all the bells and whistles, and then when you’re in your dynamic, you make a 180-degree turn.
Women like attention more than they like the bells and whistles.
Attention comes in many forms, but the most important is being present.
Women’s happiness can fade for many reasons, but I have consistently seen “being present” near the top.
Separate your day-to-day world from your relationship world. No, I am not telling you to hide one from the other, but do not let variables that affect your life slip into your romance.
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Hopefully, I don’t sound like another YouTuber telling you senseless information. Should I start a senseless Youtube…
Ok I’m joking. Get in the game fellas.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Alexandre Debiève on Unsplash
