She never envisaged being this way too-to be falling in love with someone who looks great in all respects except one-where things aren’t working sexually, and she is at her breaking point For four years, she has tried to make things work sexually with her boyfriend. At 28, she’s still in her prime, feeling the urge to experience passion that she’s been craving for years, yet she was unable to find with her current relationship.
From the beginning, she knew the sex chemistry wasn’t quite right. He wasn’t bad—just inexperienced, unsure, and awkward in the sack. A patient girlfriend, she tried everything to guide him. And then some more. Toys, watching porn together, giving him clear instructions, she gave her all in the hope that they would sync up and reignite that spark. But nothing worked. Each intimate encounter left her more frustrated than the last.
“I thought I could train him,”she confesses.
It’s all these years of trying to teach him what she likes and nothing seems to click.She can’t even place his hand in the right spot herself; somehow he’s in the wrong place again. It’s like he is unexperienced or, worse, he doesn’t care enough to really put an effort in pleasing her.
The sexual frustration is getting to her.
“I’ve had maybe five orgasms in four years,” she admits.
It’s not for lack of trying. She has all the sexual desire, but with each and every failed attempt her attraction to him wanes. She feels her prime years slipping away, locked in a sexless rut, while her body and mind crave something more.
“I’m starting to resent him,” she says,
and it tears her apart. She loves him deep-ly-he’s a good man, a kind and caring partner. But the bedroom has become a battlefield of unmet desires and silent disappointments. She’s not sure how much longer she can last like this.
It is not just the orgasms, or the lack of it. It is a loss of the closeness that sex should bring them-the way it is supposed to bring a couple closer. She yearns for it-that connection, that fire only she has had with one person before him.But now, it is all slipping out of her reach, and she is afraid.
She’s getting older, she admits.
“I still have a hot body,”
she says, and she hates how such a great and healthy asset is being wasted. She wants to be alive, desired, and fulfilled.
“Am I really supposed to settle for this for the rest of my life?”
She asks herself if love alone will fill in the hole that their unsexed relationship leaves open.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Marie-Michèle Bouchard on Unsplash
