Jarad Dewing thinks that putting children in the spotlight without a solid stage to stand on is setting them up for failure.
The media exploded in histrionics yesterday when Justin Bieber was charged with driving under the influence and resisting arrest after Miami Beach police pulled him over for speeding. Bieber was allegedly racing a yellow Lamborghini against a Def Jam recording artist at twice the legal speed limit. While being patted down, Bieber reportedly cursed at the law officers, admitted he’d been drinking and smoking marijuana, and belligerently questioned why he’d been stopped and why he was being searched.
Now, if that had been you or I – the non-famous folk – we probably wouldn’t have been able to pull this off. Think about it: a 19-year-old Canadian kid rents a Lambo and squeals its tires down a Miami street while clearly intoxicated and possibly medicated. That’s abnormal by most standards. Let’s keep in mind he was pulled over at 4 AM Thursday morning. Being remotely awake at that hour is way beyond my ken. I have a job. Lots of us have jobs, bills, and anxiety about children and schedules and the world around us and… well, everything. What we don’t have is Bieber’s level of insulation.
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Imagine, if you will, that as a young child you never came into contact with fire. You never touched a stove, you never reached toward a candle flame, and every time you wandered close to anything hot enough to hurt you, a phalanx of trained professionals patiently herded you away from danger.
You might at some point witness another person being burned and think, “How the hell did that happen? They must be weak if they got hurt by that red flickering stuff. It’s pretty and it looks like fun. It’s never wounded me.” That mindset leads to a sense of false invincibility.
We all, in our teens and perhaps twenties, imagine ourselves indestructible, free from trauma. Most of us grow out of that phase because something happens; we lose a loved one, suffer significant consequences for poor decisions, or experience such tragedy that it mutates our entire landscape. Most of us eventually learn that people bleed and we are not islands.
But that’s not the case for someone who’s never been burned. When your world consists of hundreds of assistants blanketing you with compliments and buffering you from blindsides, there is nothing in that reality except you and a well-lit mirror. What lesson could possibly be learned from that impeccable environment, except that you are never wrong and probably immortal? You can coddle a bonfire and never scorch – that’s the only lesson taught by incredible privilege.
Most of us eventually learn that people bleed and we are not islands.
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Every parent, myself included, wants their children to succeed. We want them to fulfill their dreams with a modicum of security, but most of all, we want them to be happy. But how can my beloved babies ever know true happiness without acknowledging a bit of pain? I can’t protect them from everything, and I can’t expect them to fully understand the nuances of their fellow humans by mummifying them in bubble-wrap and hoping for the best. If they interact with their everyday fellows, they’re going to learn important lessons without me. They might learn that people have feelings, and feelings can be hurt, and people can be run over by drunk drivers in fast cars. They might learn that reality isn’t necessarily nice.
If I send them out into the world with some commonsense guidance and a basic understanding of how harsh reality is, how chaotic and gut-wrenching and delightful it can be, then perhaps they’ll be decent humans. Maybe they’ll be millionaire superstars and maybe they’ll serve gas station burritos while they pursue their GED. All I want, all I really care about, is that they know they are part of an interconnected species.
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It doesn’t matter if you’re Justin Bieber, a police officer, a swooning teenage fan, or a child still figuring this whole “existence” thing out. We’re all in this together. It’s easy to forget that when you’re barreling down a Miami road in a rented supercar, and it’s easy to forget when your buddies egg you on for one more round at the bar. It’s easy to forget when your offspring aren’t sure how to deal with rich kids, poor kids, the kids that need help or the ones that shove them into corners. It’s easy to forget when we simultaneously harbor hope and deal judgment against the patronizing smirk of those we wish would be greater versions of themselves.
That lonely, smug face in his mugshot? That’s a person who is disconnected. That’s a face that says, “Yeah, I finally got caught being stupid, wheeeee!” and cares nothing for the fallout. But can we really blame him? Can we honestly stand back and not pity the child who was groomed from the beginning to be put on a pedestal and eventually fall? Is it Justin’s fault?
Yes, it is. But it’s also the fault of everyone who’s seen him as a demigod. It’s the fault of everyone who’s expected him to be more than human. We can blame his managers, his lifestyle coaches, his fans, and his bank account. We can dis-Belieb. Better yet, we can raise our young talent to appreciate a different approach. Let’s not focus on what went wrong, but let’s teach our children to respect themselves as humble humans.
We don’t want bloated egos. We don’t want reckless rogues to define what makes a person worthwhile. We don’t want shallow pyrotechnics to replace a glimmering spark of creativity in the souls of our children. If all the world is a stage, and everyone a player, we all must act better.
I wonder if PUAs secretly want to emulate someone like the Biebs: young, cute, six-packed, rich and famous, with girls hanging all over him….and yet he is so broken he does not realize it,…or rather he seems to revel in it….
None of my son’s friends will admit to liking his music or being a fan….they sing “Baby Baby Oh..” only in a mocking tone…it is so sad that people like the Biebs and Charlie Sheen and Miley Cyrus get so much media attention….everyone seems to enjoy watching them f–k up their lives in such a spectacular way….
Teenage girls all over the world are screeching, “I’ll wait for you while you’re in jail! I’ll be here when you get out! I’ll write you every day! Just don’t shave your head!”
Aw, if he ever shaves his head, messes his pretty face and becomes a skinny boy, losing that athletic body of his that is so desired around the globe by so many fangirls/boys or even people that aren’t fans (I confess he looks very attractive)… it will be over for you, Justin.
“If all the world is a stage, and everyone a player, we all must act better.” I love this article, because you have the insight to see Justin for what he truly is: a product of his environment. As a human community, we owe it to one another to learn and move forward together, and if we are evolving as we like to think we are, we have to stop the constant celebrity bashing that is supposed to make us feel better about not being a superstar. We have to be superstars in our own lives, with accountability and with… Read more »