Dear Brian Powell, I have something I’d like you to consider for your next film. You have always been about envelope pushing, pulling, mauling and disemboweling and, if I do say so myself, this piece drips envelope viscera. It’s a rough refutation of conventional ontology. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – NIGHT The Spin Doctors’ immortal Two…
That Which Practices Before Praxis (or, The Spoliation of Horseface Jones)
Dear Micah, We received your submission for publication in The Glasgow Review of Modern Deontological Inquiry. Your piece, I Am that I Am or that which Practices Before Praxis, will unfortunately not be appearing in our October quarterly. Though, we are always supportive of inventive style through which to plumb the depths of contemporary normative…
Home Improvement
Dear Babes in Wolfland, I write to you as an insulted and eracinated consumer of your music. Having been weened — culturally and spiritually, not infantiley — on Babes in Wolfland music, your new EP came as an unwelcome rape to my fragile aesthetic sensibility. See, when I was ten I scraped together enough coin…
Conceited, Just Like the Semiotician Ordered
Patriarchal. Orientalistic. Subaltern-slut-shaming. What else can be said about the trash coitus of bad taste and indecency that was Hoomer Shoman’s latest crap of fiction. Reprinted in its entirety: Rico Hettinger was a kind authoritarian. Rico deigned to chat with blacks. But this story isn’t about him. See, Rico never plowed a plot of land…
Dying for a chance to run the country
Letters to the Editor: Bravo. You have published what is — without doubt — the artsiest dropping of atrocious shit-lit. Reprinted in its entirety from your Spring Quarterly: The results were in. The idiot boy had been elected President. The smallish boy with a peach-on-the-pavement face, a tremendous lisp, and a violent self-hatred was the…
Smash Brothers, Strange Loops, Sex Kicks, and Side Special Moves: An Investigation
❡ 1 – Introduction Douglas Hofstadter once wrote, “I am a strange loop.” The exact meaning of this statement, though discussed at length and plainly articulated with bald candor, is immaterial and unknown. To fall back into a discussion of authorial intent, correct citation or truth would be sentimental at best and fatal to our…