“Focus on the value you bring to others, and the rest will fall into place.” This is what my dear friend John K. Bates told me this week. We were talking about his tremendous success as an executive speech coach.
I met John back in the dark days of 2009 just as the financial world was still imploding. We were walking across the parking lot at the Broad Stage in Santa Monica headed to a Planet Money live event. The world was all on edge as we did not know what the economy was going to do. We struck up a friendship that has lasted for 8 years now.
We both wanted to be professional speakers. John has been pursuing that goal with a fervor and the years of hard work he put in are paying off. Today he’s a highly successful speaker with an impressive client list. You can check him out at www.executivespeakingsuccess.com.
John’s ahead of me in the transition to professional speaker and mentor, but I’m not concerned about that. The truth is that this is not a competition. He told me how well he’s doing and I honestly cried tears of joy for him. When you’ve seen someone work doggedly for a goal and they reach it – the happiness should be shared.
Jealousy, envy, resentment, these are small people’s emotions. Frankly I don’t have time in my life for them. The world is a big place and the opportunities for success are endless. I can be happy for my friend and for his success, and use it as a reason to push myself a bit further.
John told me that his business took off when he was committed to providing value to his clients. In my own experience, when I do that, it all falls into place: the money, the clients, the work all just flow. When I’m focused on the money or the work, or what I don’t want to do, it’s all a slog.
The lesson for all of us is this, are you using the success of your friends to beat yourself up, or to raise yourself up? I’ve written before that people live up to or down to our expectations of them, that applies to ourselves as well. Are we expecting more or less from ourselves? Can you expect more and see how it is possible? What are you committing to?
This past Sunday I committed to giving a speech in Mexico on New Year’s Eve. What I have found is that the moment I commit to a course of action and take a definite step in that direction, doors open. Plans fall into place and opportunities come to me. By deciding to give this speech, now I can decide if I want to put on a workshop while I’m there in conjunction with my visit. But until I committed, I was in that grey zone of “maybe.” That’s a bad place to be. It’s like having one foot on the dock, and one on the boat. Odds are if you don’t choose, and soon, you’ll end up in the water.
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