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Being a parent is an extraordinary thing, but so many of us lose ourselves as we try to model the best possible behavior for our children that 10 or 20 years later, when we look back all we see are our kids, and ‘we’ are nowhere to be found. Dating parents raising kids on their own have it particularly tough, and that’s why we’d like to shed some light on a few tips and tricks about overcoming the most common challenges when it comes to balancing your personal and your family life.
#1: Time Management
Childcare is especially challenging for a single parent, and it doesn’t leave too much room for any free time or activities that you enjoy. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have a personal life, but you’ll have to be very flexible when it comes to planning your time. For instance, your kids are usually in bed by 8 pm, and technically you could go out to dinner at 9, and leave them with a baby sitter, but what if they wake up from a nightmare and start crying for you? Anyone who has ever had to leave their child to spend some ‘alone time’ had more than one reason to feel guilty about it. However, kids are usually in school from 8 in the morning until 3 in the afternoon so instead of going out to dinner like you used to, squeeze in a lunch date. You still get to spend some quality time with your partner all the while knowing your kids are busy at school.
#2: Planning Ahead
Long gone are the days when you could meet up for a drink with someone, go dancing at a club all night long and end up waking up next to each other without quite remembering what took place the night before. Dating with children requires you to plan ahead, which can be a bit of a buzz kill because you can’t spontaneously spend the night with someone when you ‘just go out for one drink’. You have to set the time and place and stick to the schedule because there are baby sitters or family members waiting for you to get home at a specific time.
#3: The Ex Factor
You and your ex are forever bound by your children whether you like it or not. Even if you’re not recently divorced, your ex-husband or wife will feel a hint of jealousy when you go back to dating, and being newly divorced and still going through a custody battle can only make things more complicated. One of the things you can do is plan your dates when your ex has the kids so you don’t have to worry about whether they’ll want to spend time with their baby sitter or if you’ll get a call from her telling you to come home because the kids want you. Also, don’t switch your days when the kids are with you because your ex will accuse you of your social life being more important than your kids. Keep the lines of communication open between your former spouse and your new partner so that they learn to be civil, and as a precaution.
#4: Jealous Kids
Children usually want their parents all to themselves and are rarely eager to accept that their mom or dad has a new partner. However, this should not deter you from dating and seeking companionship or love. At the same time, do not be quick to introduce your date to your children because you’ll probably meet several different people before finding someone you’d actually want in your home. To make sure your children accept the fact that there is someone new in your life make sure you engage in activities with them on a regular basis alone, don’t talk about your private life, and don’t make them feel guilty if they refuse to come to terms that you should have a life as well.
#5: Loving Yourself
Raising kids ages you emotionally and physically, making you feel less desirable in the dating pool. One thing you need to remember is that self-care, both physical and psychological goes a long way when it comes to maintaining a high level of self-confidence. You need to do those things that make you feel happy and valued so that you love yourself and appreciate everything you have to offer. If you are truly happy with who you are, others will respond to your positive thoughts and actions, and you’ll find dating that much easier. Having children is a part of you – it is not who you are. As long as you’re honest about your life, your dates will get a chance to get to know the real you and fall for everything that makes you such a unique individual.
This content is sponsored by Stefan Simonovic.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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