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When we break up in a relationship, it’s sometimes difficult to let the person go. You may miss the good times you had together, or they may have been a big part of your life. It’s normal and natural to feel this way. However, sometimes we get caught up in our feelings and think of what could have been. This can make us reach out to our exes and hope they feel the same. Unfortunately, as much as you want to have that comfort of a relationship again, you need to remember why you broke up in the first place. Every relationship is different, and you may consider getting back together. Before you do, see if your ex meets any of these red flags. If they do, it’s time to let them go, even if they are constantly on your mind.
Why You Shouldn’t Get Back with Your Ex
1. Your Friends and Family Hated Them –Some people don’t jive and that’s okay. However, if no one can stand to be around your ex, it’s something you should explore deeper. When you’re in love, you often have blinders to how people treat you or how they behave. Those who can have an objective view like your best friend or parents will see through their intentions.
They may notice traits or behaviors you didn’t notice or brush off as a quirk. You might not see it as bad as it really is and make excuses for them. As much as it may have seemed it was you two against the world, your ex was probably a jerk that couldn’t fool them.
2. Your Ex Was Abusive – This is a no-brainer. If your ex-partner was overly jealous, obsessive, or controlling then it’s time to let it go. It doesn’t matter how good the “good times” were. Nothing excuses this behavior. Getting back together with them can put you in danger. Your best bet is to speak with a professional on how to cope with the loss of the relationship and to heal the trauma you suffered. Your ex didn’t have to physically hurt you to be an abusive partner either. If your ex called you names, refused to let you hang out with friends for no reason, or has anger issues just move on. You don’t deserve to get treated poorly or to walk on eggshells.
3. They Haven’t Changed/Took Responsibility – We all make mistakes in any relationship. Some of those mistakes might make it hard to come back from a betrayal of trust. However, you might be willing to forgive any mistakes made and realize you made mistakes too. You might have gone to therapy or made amends.
Your ex should do the same. If all they’re doing is asking you to get back together, that won’t cut it. They need to put the effort in to make amends or change any bad habits they may have. Keep in mind, you can’t expect fundamental changes or core beliefs of a person. For example, you may have broken up because of a difference in religion or you wanted a child and marriage, but they didn’t. In these cases, both people should realize that while they love each other, it sometimes just isn’t meant to be.
4. They’re Trying to Convince You to Get Back Together – It’s normal to want to get back with your ex. It’s not normal to constantly try to make you take them back. They ask you to reconsider or if things can be repaired. However, if they offer no solutions on how to fix problems or try to just rush you back into the relationship, cut them loose.
They’re only rushing you back into the relationship because they know if you want to take it slow, you’ll see nothing has changed. All they want is for you to take them back. A sincere attempt at getting back together will involve taking things slow. It will take working together to make changes and solve problems, not you putting in all the effort.
5. Your Ex Hasn’t Accepted You Broke Up – No one wants to get broken up with, especially when they still love the person. Unfortunately, it happens. Most people will accept the relationship is over and begin to work on themselves and heal. They may keep in contact with one another on a friendly basis or not at all.
When your ex fails to remember you are no longer in a relationship, they can treat conversations like nothing has happened. They might text or call you daily. Some may even take it a step further and show up at your home. You can attempt to set boundaries with them. However, this may not work. You might have to cut them off completely if they can’t understand you both need to separate for the good of you both.
Final Thoughts
As much as you may miss or love your ex, you sometimes need to move on for good. There are some cases where you can work it out with your ex. You’ll both need to put the work into the relationship and work on yourselves. In other cases where there are too many red flags, you’ll need to stay broken up. For example, you shouldn’t take your ex back if they were mentally, verbally, or physically abusive. If they can’t respect your boundaries while broken up or refuse to put effort into repairing the relationship, you’re better off single. Remember, an ex is an ex for a reason.
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