You Can’t Win with Women…

There’s nothing.

Absolutely nothing you can do to attract every single woman you possibly meet and I’ll explain why.

From 2014–2020 I learned and studied dating, pick-up techniques, chatting up women, relationships, romance, what women like in men, and all the rest. I listened to female dating coaches and male dating coaches. I purchased 52 books and watched hundreds of hours of content.

I loved it! I’m an extrovert, so I applied everything I learned and sucked it in immediately. Did it all.

Now I want to be clear; I wasn’t doing this to be a “player” or a “f*ck boi.” I was doing it because I wanted the woman of my dreams. I had clairvoyance enough to know I wasn’t going to get the perfect woman cause they don’t exist. But I knew I could get my version of perfect.

I knew it.

I also had 2 sources of dating. Online Dating and meeting women in real life. On the weekend I would be out with my friends, whether at the bars, clubs, social events, parties, mixers, or anything with the opposite sex who were single I was trying to land the perfect match.

I don’t care what anyone says. It was such a good learning experience.

Because I used both online dating apps and meeting people in real life, I learned the true difference between meeting women in real life and meeting women I approached online. Cause let’s face it, fellas. Women rarely approach men, and if they do, it’s typically the women we don’t want. So what’s the difference?

Meeting Women In Real Life

Pro’s

You harness better social queues much quicker as you have to be quick or you’ll get buried out there in those social settings; remember, the best-looking women have been approached far more them you’ve ever approached them.
You learn certain things most women like to hear and certain things most women don’t
Your failures and embarrassments are your greatest tool for confidence and future vocal engagements.
What makes you different is doing the complete opposite of what most men do
Experience will always be the greatest teacher
Real face-to-face interaction with women you think you are attracted to gives you a good taste of who you might connect with online
Quicker and immediate responses, reading of body language and social queues
If the group of women you approached likes your conversation skills and your charming, you can quickly find out which one likes you.

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Cons

It’s a crap shoot. Approaching a woman you find attractive is the biggest shot in the dark
Looks do matter, so even if you’re conventionally attractive, certain women have the luxury of having a niche type within a type within a type, and unless you fit that, you’re rejected.
Your best approach, outfit, look, engagement, humor, and all the rest won’t change shit. Attraction can’t be forced.
Even if you’re nothing but a gentleman, it won’t stop a woman from being horrible, rude, and blunt with you. Sometimes some women project other douchebag’s bad behavior on you.
Other men who are with the women will be “cavemen” and they will try and make you look stupid.

Ultimately it’s worth it for a crash course in interpersonal relationships with the opposite sex and meeting people to date instantly, and as a man, you need real-world experience. Most flirtatious interactions with a stranger are often expected to be initiated by men. But ultimately, even with the highest signs of physical interest, there’s no real way of knowing if you’re their type or if you would even have anything in common until a conversation has taken place. Before that happens, there are so many barriers to entry, and they all come at a cost. It’s a necessary evil to put yourself out there, but it’s not sustainable in the long run.

Meeting Women on Dating Apps

Pros

If someone matches, you know they’re attracted to you. It’s up to you to figure out if you’re their type and vice versa, but you know they’re at least attracted to you
You can see a glimpse of someone’s personality and who they’re trying to present themselves to be in front of the opposite sex
You get to assess compatibility to some degree (job, age, likes, dislikes, friends, political affiliations, religion, intent)
More options (To some degree)
Better visibility (I would never meet anyone who lives 40+ miles away IRL)
More dates quicker
No approach anxiety
Easy escape route
No other human barrier to entry

Cons

Competition is very fierce.
The best-looking men in the state/city are on their
You need to learn the ins and outs of online dating.
There is a hierarchy, whether you like it or not.
You must have thick skin.
Women have significantly more advantages online than you ever will
To have the best experience, you must pay to play.
If you’re considered conventionally unattractive, you’ll have to work ten times harder than everyone else on there.

What have I learned from doing both of these activities to meet and date women?

You can’t win with them. What do I mean exactly?

I mean, despite all my best efforts, charisma, body language, humor, and looks maxing.

Every woman is and will be different.

I’ll give you a few examples.

I tried a line with 20 different women in the space of 4 weeks.

I’d locked eye contact with someone in a bar, walked over, and said,

“This is so embarrassing I was going to wear the same thing…”

Yes, it’s corny, cheesy, and cringe. But that’s precisely why I wanted to test it out.

Results:

Some women laughed
Some women looked at me with disgust and ignored me
Some women told me how lame the effort was
Someone said it was weird
One of the ladies’ male friends told me to get fucked
Some ladies hated it but found it endearing.

The women who laughed and the women who found it endearing, I got their numbers and went out on a date or two, and one of them was together with me for a year.

Why?

Cause we shared similar humor, we didn’t care for social norms or airs and graces, and some of them just liked me.

That’s really all there was to it.

Which is why you can’t win with women. Cause not all women will like you. What one woman finds incredibly attractive, the other abhors and can’t stand it. What one woman finds creepy, another finds so sexy. There’s never an in-between.

What’s the solution, then?

Be the best version of yourself and own every piece of your character. The person who is supposed to be with you will like who you are if you’re a person who is a constant work in progress, just like the rest of us, and you acknowledge and focus on inner and outer growth. You’ll find her.

I promise this.

But it will NEVER be with a learned opener from a dating expert or a single silver bullet dating technique.

It will be from you showing your raw, unabashed beautiful mess of a person you are.

So yes, you can’t win with women. You were never supposed to. Women are not prizes to be won. But incredible human beings who want the exact same thing you do.

To be loved.

Remember this and embrace it.

Embrace you.

I would wish you luck, but I know you don’t need it!

If you like this article, check out my book all about first dates: https://www.amazon.com/First-Date-Fix-great-first-ebook/dp/B09RWH5Q6Y/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3R5147W5EO65N&keywords=the+first+date+fix&qid=1648679254&sprefix=the+first+date+fix%2Caps%2C347&sr=8-1

Thanks for reading!

T.H.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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