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Hatred, violence, bigotry, racism, toxic masculinity isn’t something you are born with. They are carefully taught.” And when you get just the right blend of that toxic stew—it sows the seed for ideologies like White Supremacy and Nazism to take hold.
It’s a long path, these careful teachings of hatred. No, not everyone who goes through one bad teachable moment will turn toxic. But it’s embedded in our culture. And a clown, a literal clown, Sanduhruh on Twitter, gives us a glimpse of how these teaching moments happen. How social norms push boys into what we call the “Man-Box“, and how ultimately those rigid social norms can spread and cause harm—to boys, children, the adults they grow into, and to society at large.
“Online radicalization” is what we call the process by which hate groups recruit people into their organization—and hate groups prey on those who are most vulnerable, most often young, disenfranchised men. How do these young men become vulnerable? They are taught. Carefully taught at an early age. Read the tweetstream to discover how. Also on Twitter here.
We need to open up the rigid norms of masculinity. Our future is at stake.
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Hey everyone I’m a clown and I just got back from facepainting at a picnic and here’s my take on male violence in America:
— Sanduhruh (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
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It starts young. And it’s more than just letting boys play with guns, it’s how we shame them for feeling anything that isn’t anger.
— Sanduhruh (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
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A 4yo boy asked me to paint a blue butterfly on his face. Then his mom told me “no, he doesn’t want that.”
— Sanduhruh (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
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“Butterflies are beautiful, he said that’s what he wants, shouldn’t I paint what he wants?”
“No give him something for boys”— Sanduhruh (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
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She turns to dad, a big guy in a jersey, and says accusingly,
“Do you want your son to have a butterfly on his face?”
He says “No.”— Sanduhruh (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
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Which, cool, let’s bring your husbands masculinity into it too. Because your 4yo kid needs to know that his father would be ashamed too
— Sanduhruh (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
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I really tried you guys, but this woman was so scared of her son wanting a butterfly she made me paint a skull and crossbones on his cheek.
— Sanduhruh (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
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When I finished the skull I said to kiddo
“You want a little blue butterfly too?”
He nods.
Mom interrupts “You didn’t ask me.”— Sanduhruh (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
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When I finished the skull I said to kiddo
“You want a little blue butterfly too?”
He nods.
Mom interrupts “You didn’t ask me.”— Sanduhruh (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
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I say in my kindest fuck you voice
“Oh I’m sorry, I thought this was for HIM.”
“I’m his MOTHER. You need to ask me.” She says.— Sanduhruh (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
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“SORRY.” I say and wave good bye to the kid. And I am. I’m sorry that he is not allowed to love something as miraculous and beautiful as a 🦋
— Sanduhruh (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
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I’m sorry that he was shamed for wanting to share in the joy that is the miracle and wonder of nature.
— Sanduhruh (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
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I see this all the time. And I really feel for these boys, because the girls don’t get it as bad. Being a tomboy is slightly more normalized
— Sanduhruh (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
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And when girls want skulls or sharks the parents shrug and laugh like “haha she’s a kooky kid!” Because maleness and masculinity isn’t a sin
— Sanduhruh (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
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But when a boy want to enjoy something for its beauty, they are told it’s not for them. Not in this house. Not in this family.
— Sanduhruh (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
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We are teaching them that anger & violence r the only things they are allowed to experience. That to value beauty & elegance is shameful
— Sanduhruh (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
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I know that it was just facepaint, but that’s sort of my point. Why in the hell are these parents shaming their boys over FACEPAINT
— Sanduhruh (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
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Honestly don’t even get me started on the balloons.
— Sanduhruh (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
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So the next time you are incredulous about how the govt could shut down our national parks, or build the pipeline, or nuke the planet…
— Sanduhruh (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
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Think about what this four year old boy asked for 🦋
And what he got ☠️— Sanduhruh (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
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Epilogue: the mom complained to my boss 🤷♀️
— Sanduhruh (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
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Photo credit: Getty Images
“toxic masculinity” yet it was the mother doing it.
Women are equal to men in all things except the capacity to do wrong. That is apparently just spawned directly from the Y chromosome by default.